My ass along with most of Omaha Nebraska has lived here since birth. Let me tell you a few things about the state and city we all live in, K? I personally think its a decent place to live and a good place to raise a family.But its boring. Places close early and omg on a Sunday night at 8pm its a fucking ghost town. Another thing that it is known for is ice snow and cold. It does it each year and it can last from November and go all the way to March at times. My birhtday is March 28th and one year there was a full fledged blizzard. It happens its winter, and if you look winter up it will use one word to describe it: SUCKS
So please someone tell me while people freak the egg nog out when it happens. I mean even the weather people freak out. The way they talk and get everyone all worked up is stupid. I think the weathermen get hard ons about it. Two days before this storm we are having now panic set it. I heard have you built your shelter yet? I also heard better stock up on canned goods and bunker down cuz the end is coming. It annoys me and I swear I get super duper angry about it. Deal with it you pussies it snows. That is not call for staying in and eating canned beans, closing down hy vees at 6pm and definitely not calling in for work. My fat ass for 1 year straight rode happy ass mat bus and bitches you better beleive I even took it in the snow. My fine diva ass one time was walking in snow that was up to my knees. Ok, so shut your holes. OH and for those of you I will say this I dont drive, but I am still out in this and its never as bad as people will say. I love it when I hear omg cars the size the size of the ones in the transformers movies are going off the roads and into ditches. No they are not, shut up....
Men who act like that really piss me off. You have a weiner and a big pair of hairy ass balls dont you dare be a pussy. Dont you dare utter the words, OMG the roads are bad. Now you can think it but once those words have escaped your lips, balls are gone and congrats you have big old pink pussy lips now ass holes. If I was married to a man that was openly fearful I would call a divorce lawyer and put pussy as the reason we were splitting.
Ladies and gents this is going be a long winter for his very awesome diva because I have joined the land of face book and I swear I see OMG the roads are terrible cancel work food and all fun actities. Then C and I will go out in it and the roads are fine...
In closing my ass would like to do a shout out to all the pussies amongst us, hey oscar meyer weiner called, they just made your dick into next weeks special sale assholes.
December 3, 2011
November 8, 2011
Dear Society, Its Me Jaded Diva
Well well and more well. Sure been a log time since my sarcastic fine ass has blogged. Well bitches its your lucky day because I beleive gus is coming and I am having that kind of day. As I have said all along I cannot stand the human race most days. We are mean selfish and judemental. I swear as so much as pee a little in my panties and I swear a intervention is staged and judgment is passed.
I post on facebook my feelings and I swear the moment I hit publish the pope calls me and is like whats wrong. Society ,I want to scream....
So tonight is all about statements and questions that tick my ass the fuck off. Dont ask me to eleborate on here. You guys might have took over my freedom of crazy on fb but you wont on my blog. I mean it...
So sit back and listen to the things I despise and have the big bull balls to say while you just think it.....
1. Weather Panic
Dear Society,
If you live in Nebraka,Iowa,Colorado need I go on it FUCKING SNOWS AND SNOWS ALOT. No need to canel school, close early or miss work. I dont give a rats hairy ass if I dont drive, I still have am in a car and have to get their just like your high and mighty asses. No need to go to the store and bunker down just because Jim the fuck pussy flowers said it was going to snow. Also dont clog fb with panic that is not true. I love the ones where Chad and I are out in our Flinstone car and the world is like OMG I am stuck in my house, lord Jesus the end is near. Also if you are a guy and freak out , make sure your dick hasnt vanished and grow another one real quick.
2. Weight Talk
Dear Woman of Society,
Yes I know its ok for sloppy ponys, sweatshirts and desperate housewive attire at all times but being fat is against your religion. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT OMG I gained 5 pounds and ate a mm I found on the floor I feel like shit and my clothes dont fit. I am fat and I love to eat. I dont want to listen to you whine one day that you are on a diet just to watch you eat a small child and drink a 6 pack the other day. I dont care how many calories cheese fries have and I would rather be fat than ever drink diet ande yes ladies I know I know, you like it better blah blah. This is my favorite weight talk of all time : I wear DH attire because at birth I weighed 8 pounds and now I am sad to say I weigh 100 at the age of 30. SHUT UP
3. Money
Dear Society
If I want to pay a clown to do a dance for me while wearing a tu tu.. I will. Please dont tell me well you shop alot. I do, omg thanks for telling me that. Guess what all people spend their money on stuff. Some spend it on clothes, hookers, carwashes, sex, eletronics, kids stuff,beer and other drugs, need I go on. If I need to vent to you about money, just shut the fuck up and let me. Dont judge me,or I will gladly point out your money issues.
4. Being Loud
Dear Society,
Heres my motto:
I am loud, mouthy, then I cry. Dont tell me I cant be me. Did I offend thee? Sure hope I fucking did. You all do it too, the only difference is you do it behind your closed doors. Dont tell me I am loud, I was born loud and telling me makes me want to stab you with a fork.
5. Wheres your coat?
Dear Society,
My coat is at the store. I dont get cold and I dont wear jackets. I swear I get asked that 100x an hour. At first it wasnt annoying now I am like shut the fuck up. I dont need a coat, I am 37 I can tell if I am cold or not.
Jaded Diva is hungry and bitchy so read my top 5 and feel free to comment but please dont expect me to eleborate on who what when and where..
HAPPY READING BITCHES.......
I post on facebook my feelings and I swear the moment I hit publish the pope calls me and is like whats wrong. Society ,I want to scream....
So tonight is all about statements and questions that tick my ass the fuck off. Dont ask me to eleborate on here. You guys might have took over my freedom of crazy on fb but you wont on my blog. I mean it...
So sit back and listen to the things I despise and have the big bull balls to say while you just think it.....
1. Weather Panic
Dear Society,
If you live in Nebraka,Iowa,Colorado need I go on it FUCKING SNOWS AND SNOWS ALOT. No need to canel school, close early or miss work. I dont give a rats hairy ass if I dont drive, I still have am in a car and have to get their just like your high and mighty asses. No need to go to the store and bunker down just because Jim the fuck pussy flowers said it was going to snow. Also dont clog fb with panic that is not true. I love the ones where Chad and I are out in our Flinstone car and the world is like OMG I am stuck in my house, lord Jesus the end is near. Also if you are a guy and freak out , make sure your dick hasnt vanished and grow another one real quick.
2. Weight Talk
Dear Woman of Society,
Yes I know its ok for sloppy ponys, sweatshirts and desperate housewive attire at all times but being fat is against your religion. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT OMG I gained 5 pounds and ate a mm I found on the floor I feel like shit and my clothes dont fit. I am fat and I love to eat. I dont want to listen to you whine one day that you are on a diet just to watch you eat a small child and drink a 6 pack the other day. I dont care how many calories cheese fries have and I would rather be fat than ever drink diet ande yes ladies I know I know, you like it better blah blah. This is my favorite weight talk of all time : I wear DH attire because at birth I weighed 8 pounds and now I am sad to say I weigh 100 at the age of 30. SHUT UP
3. Money
Dear Society
If I want to pay a clown to do a dance for me while wearing a tu tu.. I will. Please dont tell me well you shop alot. I do, omg thanks for telling me that. Guess what all people spend their money on stuff. Some spend it on clothes, hookers, carwashes, sex, eletronics, kids stuff,beer and other drugs, need I go on. If I need to vent to you about money, just shut the fuck up and let me. Dont judge me,or I will gladly point out your money issues.
4. Being Loud
Dear Society,
Heres my motto:
I am loud, mouthy, then I cry. Dont tell me I cant be me. Did I offend thee? Sure hope I fucking did. You all do it too, the only difference is you do it behind your closed doors. Dont tell me I am loud, I was born loud and telling me makes me want to stab you with a fork.
5. Wheres your coat?
Dear Society,
My coat is at the store. I dont get cold and I dont wear jackets. I swear I get asked that 100x an hour. At first it wasnt annoying now I am like shut the fuck up. I dont need a coat, I am 37 I can tell if I am cold or not.
Jaded Diva is hungry and bitchy so read my top 5 and feel free to comment but please dont expect me to eleborate on who what when and where..
HAPPY READING BITCHES.......
October 17, 2011
My Rags, your ritches, bitches
My ass like many Americans gets up each day and goes to work. Some of us leave our little ones in care of others to do this. I watched my dad go to work with brain cancer and I know they are more than just him that have to work why ill. So you can relate to my irritation about welfare bitches and hoes.
I understand aid needed at first. I was 18 unmarried and pregnant. I got help and medical for Tyler while pregnant. But guess what you fucking baby making tramps before my 6 weeks was even up I was working and promoted to office manager at Hobby Lobby and got off state aid forever. I didnt stay at home and get knocked up again so everyone elses hard tax dollars was spent for my 24 hour vagina baby making store.
My opinion, you can fuck,you can work. I dont need to get up daily so you can drive SUVS, have fake nails aned designer $100.00 jeans. I dont appreciate buying cheap wal mart stuff while you get 6 grand in food stamps , buy food then sell the other half to get stuff my working ass only dreams of having.
I am not against state aid, I understand it is needed in some circumstances. But no one out there even the ones abusing it are going tell me people dont get hooked on it and work the system. Why would these woman want to go out and get jobs when each month their rent is paid for, their food is bought and their medical bills are non-existent. They can then make their nail and hair appointments. They dont have to leave their kids with others and go work. They dont miss one darn moment of their kids life. They take our money and live quite the diva life to be honest.
Want to know what Jaded Diva would do if she was in charge? Heres my welfare plan in a nutshell....
1. You can get state aid for one unplanned pregnancy only.
2. During that time you and your unborn baby will get all the medical assitance needed. Nothing more, no money monthly, if you are still in high school maybe a few dollars a month but nothing fancy
3. Once the baby is born you will receive aid for the first 12 months, after that time to go job searching. I am ok with the child receiving free health insurance,lets face it we all should be granted free health care.
4. After a year your welfare expires, not questions asked, no complaints taken. Child may still receive health care until he turns of legal age.
5. Your dumb ass gets pregnant again, no way no how is the state helping.
If the government would follow those 5 steps the whole baby population would drop, trust me on that.
JD WORDS OF WISDOM: Ladies who are frequent welfare flyers aka use your vagina as a meal ticket and living off my tax paying dollars please read this statment below and chant it:
"BEFORE YOU LET HIM TAP IT, PLEASE MAKE HIM WRAP IT"
I understand aid needed at first. I was 18 unmarried and pregnant. I got help and medical for Tyler while pregnant. But guess what you fucking baby making tramps before my 6 weeks was even up I was working and promoted to office manager at Hobby Lobby and got off state aid forever. I didnt stay at home and get knocked up again so everyone elses hard tax dollars was spent for my 24 hour vagina baby making store.
My opinion, you can fuck,you can work. I dont need to get up daily so you can drive SUVS, have fake nails aned designer $100.00 jeans. I dont appreciate buying cheap wal mart stuff while you get 6 grand in food stamps , buy food then sell the other half to get stuff my working ass only dreams of having.
I am not against state aid, I understand it is needed in some circumstances. But no one out there even the ones abusing it are going tell me people dont get hooked on it and work the system. Why would these woman want to go out and get jobs when each month their rent is paid for, their food is bought and their medical bills are non-existent. They can then make their nail and hair appointments. They dont have to leave their kids with others and go work. They dont miss one darn moment of their kids life. They take our money and live quite the diva life to be honest.
Want to know what Jaded Diva would do if she was in charge? Heres my welfare plan in a nutshell....
1. You can get state aid for one unplanned pregnancy only.
2. During that time you and your unborn baby will get all the medical assitance needed. Nothing more, no money monthly, if you are still in high school maybe a few dollars a month but nothing fancy
3. Once the baby is born you will receive aid for the first 12 months, after that time to go job searching. I am ok with the child receiving free health insurance,lets face it we all should be granted free health care.
4. After a year your welfare expires, not questions asked, no complaints taken. Child may still receive health care until he turns of legal age.
5. Your dumb ass gets pregnant again, no way no how is the state helping.
If the government would follow those 5 steps the whole baby population would drop, trust me on that.
JD WORDS OF WISDOM: Ladies who are frequent welfare flyers aka use your vagina as a meal ticket and living off my tax paying dollars please read this statment below and chant it:
"BEFORE YOU LET HIM TAP IT, PLEASE MAKE HIM WRAP IT"
October 12, 2011
BREAK FROM SARCASM
Jaded D is on vacation and is having a blast.
She is on a sarcasm hiatus. :)
But dont worry I have seen plenty of stuff to confess about when my vacation is over!
She is on a sarcasm hiatus. :)
But dont worry I have seen plenty of stuff to confess about when my vacation is over!
October 6, 2011
The Opposite Sex
Sunday October 9th is my 7 year wedding annivesary. Or as my bff calls it , the seven year itch. LOL. Chad and I have been together for 14 years now. I truly did marry my lobster but boy oh boy men can be pickels at times.
Tonight I am going dish the dirt on mens top 10 annoying habits.
So grab your girlfriends and get ready to man bash :)
10. Asking for directions. Why is it so hard for men to stop and ask for directions. I mean once the words "Excuse me I think I am lost" are spoken does a little guy come out and punch them in there man jewels or take their balls away? Shit if I am lost help me the goose out I want to get there now not in 4 hours.
9. Hands down their pants? Ok please tell me why men do this? Are they afraid their car has gone on without them? Do all men do it? Do they speak of it amongst themselves? Hmm things I ponder LOL.
8. Obession with the remote. I swear you would think the remote would give men a car wash the way they need to hold onto it. Then once they have it they change the channels 900x a minute. Its either sports sports hunting or more sports. Dont get me started on the boring ass shows I am forced to watch.
7. Stories. Now when a woman tells me a story it has a beginning a middle and a end. Its funny and interesting and totally has a point. When a guy tells a story it has well no point, makes no sense and you just want them to finish it so you can go on with your life. You will alway walk away silenty scratching your head going wtf was that, a story, please more like a horrible after school special.
6. Farting. This is almost a game for guys. They see who can do it the loudest, the smelliest. They lift their legs, fart on their girls and do it without any shame. I mean hello guys poo stinks, nothing hot and sexy about it when you do it.
5. Video Games. Men of all ages are obsessed with video games. They make play dates to play together they sit outside game stores when a new one is released.
4. Hunting. I dont get this one and I am married to a hunter. Hunting is the other woman in our lives. I mean you have to get up at like 4am you then have to walk 100 miles just to sit in a treestand for 8 hours where you just might see one animal the whole time. Sometimes its snowing and raining. No thanks not my idea of fun.
3. Guys like dumb stuff to you ever notice, they like big dumb trucks with tires so high you need a cannon to shoot your ass into the seat. They like to drive like ass sharks in snowy weather and get a kick out of the truck when it spins around. They love to hang out with their boys and coming home at 3am is really not a big deal to them.
2. Boobs. Man you think once you seen a pair of boobs you seen them all. They all basically look the same, some are tiny some are normal and some are huge. At times when a man sees a rack they like all their common sense and manners go out the door. There eyes remind me of those old school cartoon characters, that zoom in and out in like aww. Men are so visual and love boobs butts and garages.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE... THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME ABOUT A MAN IS..
1. Guys are such drama queens when sick. Can I get a Amen please? Us woman have periods babies and much more but a man gets a sniffle and shit call 911 because he has the plague. No one has ever been sick when a man is sick. Its like the whole world has come to an end. Give him a nip and some nyquil and please hope he takes his ass to bed.
JD words of wisdom. Men are some hard to figure out creatures but they are sexy as hell and this diva is glad for them annoying asses and all.
Tonight I am going dish the dirt on mens top 10 annoying habits.
So grab your girlfriends and get ready to man bash :)
10. Asking for directions. Why is it so hard for men to stop and ask for directions. I mean once the words "Excuse me I think I am lost" are spoken does a little guy come out and punch them in there man jewels or take their balls away? Shit if I am lost help me the goose out I want to get there now not in 4 hours.
9. Hands down their pants? Ok please tell me why men do this? Are they afraid their car has gone on without them? Do all men do it? Do they speak of it amongst themselves? Hmm things I ponder LOL.
8. Obession with the remote. I swear you would think the remote would give men a car wash the way they need to hold onto it. Then once they have it they change the channels 900x a minute. Its either sports sports hunting or more sports. Dont get me started on the boring ass shows I am forced to watch.
7. Stories. Now when a woman tells me a story it has a beginning a middle and a end. Its funny and interesting and totally has a point. When a guy tells a story it has well no point, makes no sense and you just want them to finish it so you can go on with your life. You will alway walk away silenty scratching your head going wtf was that, a story, please more like a horrible after school special.
6. Farting. This is almost a game for guys. They see who can do it the loudest, the smelliest. They lift their legs, fart on their girls and do it without any shame. I mean hello guys poo stinks, nothing hot and sexy about it when you do it.
5. Video Games. Men of all ages are obsessed with video games. They make play dates to play together they sit outside game stores when a new one is released.
4. Hunting. I dont get this one and I am married to a hunter. Hunting is the other woman in our lives. I mean you have to get up at like 4am you then have to walk 100 miles just to sit in a treestand for 8 hours where you just might see one animal the whole time. Sometimes its snowing and raining. No thanks not my idea of fun.
3. Guys like dumb stuff to you ever notice, they like big dumb trucks with tires so high you need a cannon to shoot your ass into the seat. They like to drive like ass sharks in snowy weather and get a kick out of the truck when it spins around. They love to hang out with their boys and coming home at 3am is really not a big deal to them.
2. Boobs. Man you think once you seen a pair of boobs you seen them all. They all basically look the same, some are tiny some are normal and some are huge. At times when a man sees a rack they like all their common sense and manners go out the door. There eyes remind me of those old school cartoon characters, that zoom in and out in like aww. Men are so visual and love boobs butts and garages.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE... THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME ABOUT A MAN IS..
1. Guys are such drama queens when sick. Can I get a Amen please? Us woman have periods babies and much more but a man gets a sniffle and shit call 911 because he has the plague. No one has ever been sick when a man is sick. Its like the whole world has come to an end. Give him a nip and some nyquil and please hope he takes his ass to bed.
JD words of wisdom. Men are some hard to figure out creatures but they are sexy as hell and this diva is glad for them annoying asses and all.
October 5, 2011
Memory Lane.. Then and Now
I was watching TV earlier when I seen the preview for the new Footloose Movie coming up. Took me back to my childhood or my younger years. Got me thinking about how much this world has changed since I was young.
With 2012 coming soon and of course the possibilty of no more world coming too :) I thought tonight I would take a stroll down memory lane. Compare the then to the now of a few things.
So crack open a cold one or take some aleve this one just might be depressing...
Schools- Man when I was in school it sure was different, all we worried about was fitting in. I walked yep my lazy slow chubby ass walked to school. Dude and dudeetts it was far too. LOL. There was no worry that some sicko or delusional woman would come and snatch me up. There was no need for the Amber Alert and you could walk home alone. No one brought guns or knives and no one killed anyone. Teachers didnt fall in love with students and run to Mexico to be together. Schools today are scary and I can only imagine wha the future holds.
Family- When I was young family meant something. Your siblings were your true BFF. Moms and dads stayed married. Dinners were not drive thrus or mircowaved they were five course meals served at 6pm while the whole family sat down and talked about their days. Vacations were awesome. Instead of text, phones internet and ipods there were games and late night talks and funny made up stories. If you fought with your brother or sister it was solved by dinner time. No 7 years going by without even speaking to someone. I guess its true what they say, you cant pick your family but you sure can pick your friends, who in my case have become my family.
TV- Reality? Man back in the day reality TV would have bombed the first night. Today it is all we as a society can watch. Me included. We love drama, we love 15-16 year olds becoming parents. Shoot I faithfully DVR some. We love people just being mean to others. There are no more Saved by the Bells, Punky Brewster, Roseannee, and nowawdays shows like the Waltons, are you kidding me. Teenagers today watch that shark. Fudge no. They need boobs and butts and short skirts and tiny tops. TV is sex sex sex drama sex sex some more drama a 2.5 minute maybe wholesome lesson then back to sex sex. No wonder kids today are so confused. I am 37 and still blush at times as to what is on TV. LOL
Religion- I wont talk long on this one because I know it lights a fire faster than a piro but religion is like a info-mercial. When I was young there was a few religions but nothing like there is today. Its like its a baskin robins and you can choose one from 31 flavors. Whatever happened to believe or dont beleive? We have ok beleive this but not this, this happend or wait this happened instead. People cant talk about believing in god jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged.People cant talk about not believing in god or jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged. See a pattern here, you get judged either way...
Customer Service- This lacks as the years go one. Companies simply dont care. Its like they are BK but reversed, its our way or no way. Money talks and if you dont have it the whole world becomes silent. Buisness are rude, their employees are rude and no one is loyal any more. Its all about the dollar bill yo. Sad really.
Germs- I truly beleive that as the years go by the world gets dirtier and some people get nastier. Its like everywhere you go poop hand sammy is lurking saying HELLO. I have a real quick fix to this issue. K when you go #1 or # 2 come out of the stall or your own luxury bathroom go to the sink and OMG wash your hands. When I am out in public and someone doesnt wash their hands I kindly ask oh did you need some soap or dont forget to wash your hands. We can sing the ABC song together so we know are doing it long enought. This isnt hard peeps you wipe your vagina, or ass, so please wash it up after. Poop is not pretty and no matter if you shit roses it stinks.
As you can all tell my ass is getting fired up and I could blog for hours about the ways that this world is going one day just burst into flames but honestly tonight I am so over 2011 style peeps, that I am going quit while I am ahead...
Tonight my words of wisdom is going be short and sweet. To avoid PHS.. WASH YOUR HANDS.
With 2012 coming soon and of course the possibilty of no more world coming too :) I thought tonight I would take a stroll down memory lane. Compare the then to the now of a few things.
So crack open a cold one or take some aleve this one just might be depressing...
Schools- Man when I was in school it sure was different, all we worried about was fitting in. I walked yep my lazy slow chubby ass walked to school. Dude and dudeetts it was far too. LOL. There was no worry that some sicko or delusional woman would come and snatch me up. There was no need for the Amber Alert and you could walk home alone. No one brought guns or knives and no one killed anyone. Teachers didnt fall in love with students and run to Mexico to be together. Schools today are scary and I can only imagine wha the future holds.
Family- When I was young family meant something. Your siblings were your true BFF. Moms and dads stayed married. Dinners were not drive thrus or mircowaved they were five course meals served at 6pm while the whole family sat down and talked about their days. Vacations were awesome. Instead of text, phones internet and ipods there were games and late night talks and funny made up stories. If you fought with your brother or sister it was solved by dinner time. No 7 years going by without even speaking to someone. I guess its true what they say, you cant pick your family but you sure can pick your friends, who in my case have become my family.
TV- Reality? Man back in the day reality TV would have bombed the first night. Today it is all we as a society can watch. Me included. We love drama, we love 15-16 year olds becoming parents. Shoot I faithfully DVR some. We love people just being mean to others. There are no more Saved by the Bells, Punky Brewster, Roseannee, and nowawdays shows like the Waltons, are you kidding me. Teenagers today watch that shark. Fudge no. They need boobs and butts and short skirts and tiny tops. TV is sex sex sex drama sex sex some more drama a 2.5 minute maybe wholesome lesson then back to sex sex. No wonder kids today are so confused. I am 37 and still blush at times as to what is on TV. LOL
Religion- I wont talk long on this one because I know it lights a fire faster than a piro but religion is like a info-mercial. When I was young there was a few religions but nothing like there is today. Its like its a baskin robins and you can choose one from 31 flavors. Whatever happened to believe or dont beleive? We have ok beleive this but not this, this happend or wait this happened instead. People cant talk about believing in god jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged.People cant talk about not believing in god or jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged. See a pattern here, you get judged either way...
Customer Service- This lacks as the years go one. Companies simply dont care. Its like they are BK but reversed, its our way or no way. Money talks and if you dont have it the whole world becomes silent. Buisness are rude, their employees are rude and no one is loyal any more. Its all about the dollar bill yo. Sad really.
Germs- I truly beleive that as the years go by the world gets dirtier and some people get nastier. Its like everywhere you go poop hand sammy is lurking saying HELLO. I have a real quick fix to this issue. K when you go #1 or # 2 come out of the stall or your own luxury bathroom go to the sink and OMG wash your hands. When I am out in public and someone doesnt wash their hands I kindly ask oh did you need some soap or dont forget to wash your hands. We can sing the ABC song together so we know are doing it long enought. This isnt hard peeps you wipe your vagina, or ass, so please wash it up after. Poop is not pretty and no matter if you shit roses it stinks.
As you can all tell my ass is getting fired up and I could blog for hours about the ways that this world is going one day just burst into flames but honestly tonight I am so over 2011 style peeps, that I am going quit while I am ahead...
Tonight my words of wisdom is going be short and sweet. To avoid PHS.. WASH YOUR HANDS.
October 4, 2011
Is there a rewind button?
I am really just a big old chubby sarcastic mess. I talk out my bubble bum and I am not perfect at all. I have plenty of awkward moments and at times I want to crawl under the rock that I came from. Kitty at work always says to me and has since day one. That mouth one day is going to get you into trouble. Well that folks it has and I know it will many more times.
My topic tonight is embarassing moments. Those one moments where you wish scotty would beam your ass up or you could pause like Zach used to do in Saved By The Bell......
So as I sit here I am thinking of 10 possible most embarassing or awkward moments.
Get that pause button ready LOL
1. The moment where you realize you just hit send on a text or email to the wrong person
2. Having someone come up to you and be like hey whats up and you are silently going OMG I have no flipping idea who this person is but you smile and carry on like you are BFF.
3. Tripping while you are walking. We all have done it and we all get pissed when we do it. Its like we get all mad and try and play it off.
4. Wearing a light shirt with a bra that is neon and not noticing until you are at work.
5. Bend over to pick something up and oopie toot toot LOL
6. Getting up at like 130 am tired as fudge and sitting down on the toilet just to find out that your hubby didnt put the seat back down or in my case back in the day my brother at my parents house.
7. Walking around with you skirt tucked into your undies
8. Walking around with toilet paper in places it shouldnt be.
9. Totally flirting it up with a hot boy or girl to find out you had a boogie in your nose, or some foodage in your teeth.
10. This one only close friends and co workers will get. The moment where your old boss comes out of the bathroom like the end is coming screaming someones purple panties are on the bathroom floor and they are totally yours.
JD words of wisdom. I am sarcastic and talk out my chubby bum but I am harmless and I have done and experienced almost all those embarassing moments above and there are more I am sure to come my way.
My topic tonight is embarassing moments. Those one moments where you wish scotty would beam your ass up or you could pause like Zach used to do in Saved By The Bell......
So as I sit here I am thinking of 10 possible most embarassing or awkward moments.
Get that pause button ready LOL
1. The moment where you realize you just hit send on a text or email to the wrong person
2. Having someone come up to you and be like hey whats up and you are silently going OMG I have no flipping idea who this person is but you smile and carry on like you are BFF.
3. Tripping while you are walking. We all have done it and we all get pissed when we do it. Its like we get all mad and try and play it off.
4. Wearing a light shirt with a bra that is neon and not noticing until you are at work.
5. Bend over to pick something up and oopie toot toot LOL
6. Getting up at like 130 am tired as fudge and sitting down on the toilet just to find out that your hubby didnt put the seat back down or in my case back in the day my brother at my parents house.
7. Walking around with you skirt tucked into your undies
8. Walking around with toilet paper in places it shouldnt be.
9. Totally flirting it up with a hot boy or girl to find out you had a boogie in your nose, or some foodage in your teeth.
10. This one only close friends and co workers will get. The moment where your old boss comes out of the bathroom like the end is coming screaming someones purple panties are on the bathroom floor and they are totally yours.
JD words of wisdom. I am sarcastic and talk out my chubby bum but I am harmless and I have done and experienced almost all those embarassing moments above and there are more I am sure to come my way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)