Well I am not sure about you guys but this diva is fucking glad that 2011 and the holidays are over. The happiest time of our lives, yeah right. If your name is Nick and Mariah or Jay-z and Beyonce it is. Not for us middle class paycheck to paycheck living dudes and bitches. It sucks its stressful and when you dont have plastic to use to pay for stuff its downright maniac with stress about money.
So I welcome 2012. But as with any new year are all the white people I call them resolutions. The ones where you want to punch the person in the face that is saying it. So since sarcasm is my middle name here are some of Divas New Years irritation.
1. Yep you guessed it the I need to lose weight one. Ok so broads you always do this from June to September fixate on it freak out about it and think only being skinny= pretty. Then September hits and you all put your fat pants on strapped on your feed bag and a added one for alcohol and hence you were pretty again. You had friends sex dates men and all was good. All this while wearing ss and ponies. Ok here comes Jan 1st you wake up, go pee and say WTF my life is miserable, damn it if only i wasnt fat. So the feed bag comes off the alky bag put away for 6 months and its back to all the fucking irritating my life is terrible because I weight 129.0 talk. Yep go ahead ladies get your starve on, my fine fat ass is going eat and enjoy life. Life is too short, eat dessert and shut the fuck up. Fine you think your life will change thats great but I promise you I and a few others dont want to hear you talk about it 24-7. Half of you will be searcing the trash at 1201 jan31 for your fucking feed bag anywoo so fail on assholes.
2. Tax Time for peeps with kids- Yes I get it, you used your vagina as a atm and I get it you are going to get back 1.2 million dollars. Fine great well I didnt choose to populate the earth and have 100 small booger eating screaming kids so shut the fuck up. I pay for all the non working moms too so why doesnt my ass get back that much. My husband works his ass off weekly and he doesnt get that much back. Newsflash having kids doesnt give you any special treatment. You are no better than me. You shouldnt get to live off the state, get more money than me each year and for fucks sake I cannot stand woman who use their kids to get out of work. YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE KIDS, DEAL WITH IT. They are pricey DEAL WITH IT. JUST DEAL WITH IT OR STOP PRODUCING.
3. Unhealthy minds-Each new year everyone tries to think they know it all and shove their thoughts down your throat. I have been in therapy now for 7 years and each year I get a tad more mind healthy. So I really wish these fake asses would shut their faces. I mean I get asked the most just rudest stuff. I dont get it, what gives you the right to ask me such stuff. I will tell you if I want and if not then I probably didnt want your ass to know. Half of the time people only want to know for they can get a big old size woody knowing my life drama when their life sucks. This world gets off on drama and anytime people can see a confident content person and break them down they have a silent orgasm I swear.
Trust me I could go on for days just bitching about who what and where pisses me off but this diva is going go sit her ass down and watch some diva.
Peace out and just think this, WTF will diva say next. As Bam Margera says, WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TOO.
TILL NEXT BITCHES, GO EAT SOME RICE CAKES, CHANGE A DIAPER AND TELL SOMEONE HOW TO LIVE THEIR LIFE. YOU ARE GOOD AT THAT.
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