My ass along with most of Omaha Nebraska has lived here since birth. Let me tell you a few things about the state and city we all live in, K? I personally think its a decent place to live and a good place to raise a family.But its boring. Places close early and omg on a Sunday night at 8pm its a fucking ghost town. Another thing that it is known for is ice snow and cold. It does it each year and it can last from November and go all the way to March at times. My birhtday is March 28th and one year there was a full fledged blizzard. It happens its winter, and if you look winter up it will use one word to describe it: SUCKS
So please someone tell me while people freak the egg nog out when it happens. I mean even the weather people freak out. The way they talk and get everyone all worked up is stupid. I think the weathermen get hard ons about it. Two days before this storm we are having now panic set it. I heard have you built your shelter yet? I also heard better stock up on canned goods and bunker down cuz the end is coming. It annoys me and I swear I get super duper angry about it. Deal with it you pussies it snows. That is not call for staying in and eating canned beans, closing down hy vees at 6pm and definitely not calling in for work. My fat ass for 1 year straight rode happy ass mat bus and bitches you better beleive I even took it in the snow. My fine diva ass one time was walking in snow that was up to my knees. Ok, so shut your holes. OH and for those of you I will say this I dont drive, but I am still out in this and its never as bad as people will say. I love it when I hear omg cars the size the size of the ones in the transformers movies are going off the roads and into ditches. No they are not, shut up....
Men who act like that really piss me off. You have a weiner and a big pair of hairy ass balls dont you dare be a pussy. Dont you dare utter the words, OMG the roads are bad. Now you can think it but once those words have escaped your lips, balls are gone and congrats you have big old pink pussy lips now ass holes. If I was married to a man that was openly fearful I would call a divorce lawyer and put pussy as the reason we were splitting.
Ladies and gents this is going be a long winter for his very awesome diva because I have joined the land of face book and I swear I see OMG the roads are terrible cancel work food and all fun actities. Then C and I will go out in it and the roads are fine...
In closing my ass would like to do a shout out to all the pussies amongst us, hey oscar meyer weiner called, they just made your dick into next weeks special sale assholes.
December 3, 2011
November 8, 2011
Dear Society, Its Me Jaded Diva
Well well and more well. Sure been a log time since my sarcastic fine ass has blogged. Well bitches its your lucky day because I beleive gus is coming and I am having that kind of day. As I have said all along I cannot stand the human race most days. We are mean selfish and judemental. I swear as so much as pee a little in my panties and I swear a intervention is staged and judgment is passed.
I post on facebook my feelings and I swear the moment I hit publish the pope calls me and is like whats wrong. Society ,I want to scream....
So tonight is all about statements and questions that tick my ass the fuck off. Dont ask me to eleborate on here. You guys might have took over my freedom of crazy on fb but you wont on my blog. I mean it...
So sit back and listen to the things I despise and have the big bull balls to say while you just think it.....
1. Weather Panic
Dear Society,
If you live in Nebraka,Iowa,Colorado need I go on it FUCKING SNOWS AND SNOWS ALOT. No need to canel school, close early or miss work. I dont give a rats hairy ass if I dont drive, I still have am in a car and have to get their just like your high and mighty asses. No need to go to the store and bunker down just because Jim the fuck pussy flowers said it was going to snow. Also dont clog fb with panic that is not true. I love the ones where Chad and I are out in our Flinstone car and the world is like OMG I am stuck in my house, lord Jesus the end is near. Also if you are a guy and freak out , make sure your dick hasnt vanished and grow another one real quick.
2. Weight Talk
Dear Woman of Society,
Yes I know its ok for sloppy ponys, sweatshirts and desperate housewive attire at all times but being fat is against your religion. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT OMG I gained 5 pounds and ate a mm I found on the floor I feel like shit and my clothes dont fit. I am fat and I love to eat. I dont want to listen to you whine one day that you are on a diet just to watch you eat a small child and drink a 6 pack the other day. I dont care how many calories cheese fries have and I would rather be fat than ever drink diet ande yes ladies I know I know, you like it better blah blah. This is my favorite weight talk of all time : I wear DH attire because at birth I weighed 8 pounds and now I am sad to say I weigh 100 at the age of 30. SHUT UP
3. Money
Dear Society
If I want to pay a clown to do a dance for me while wearing a tu tu.. I will. Please dont tell me well you shop alot. I do, omg thanks for telling me that. Guess what all people spend their money on stuff. Some spend it on clothes, hookers, carwashes, sex, eletronics, kids stuff,beer and other drugs, need I go on. If I need to vent to you about money, just shut the fuck up and let me. Dont judge me,or I will gladly point out your money issues.
4. Being Loud
Dear Society,
Heres my motto:
I am loud, mouthy, then I cry. Dont tell me I cant be me. Did I offend thee? Sure hope I fucking did. You all do it too, the only difference is you do it behind your closed doors. Dont tell me I am loud, I was born loud and telling me makes me want to stab you with a fork.
5. Wheres your coat?
Dear Society,
My coat is at the store. I dont get cold and I dont wear jackets. I swear I get asked that 100x an hour. At first it wasnt annoying now I am like shut the fuck up. I dont need a coat, I am 37 I can tell if I am cold or not.
Jaded Diva is hungry and bitchy so read my top 5 and feel free to comment but please dont expect me to eleborate on who what when and where..
HAPPY READING BITCHES.......
I post on facebook my feelings and I swear the moment I hit publish the pope calls me and is like whats wrong. Society ,I want to scream....
So tonight is all about statements and questions that tick my ass the fuck off. Dont ask me to eleborate on here. You guys might have took over my freedom of crazy on fb but you wont on my blog. I mean it...
So sit back and listen to the things I despise and have the big bull balls to say while you just think it.....
1. Weather Panic
Dear Society,
If you live in Nebraka,Iowa,Colorado need I go on it FUCKING SNOWS AND SNOWS ALOT. No need to canel school, close early or miss work. I dont give a rats hairy ass if I dont drive, I still have am in a car and have to get their just like your high and mighty asses. No need to go to the store and bunker down just because Jim the fuck pussy flowers said it was going to snow. Also dont clog fb with panic that is not true. I love the ones where Chad and I are out in our Flinstone car and the world is like OMG I am stuck in my house, lord Jesus the end is near. Also if you are a guy and freak out , make sure your dick hasnt vanished and grow another one real quick.
2. Weight Talk
Dear Woman of Society,
Yes I know its ok for sloppy ponys, sweatshirts and desperate housewive attire at all times but being fat is against your religion. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT OMG I gained 5 pounds and ate a mm I found on the floor I feel like shit and my clothes dont fit. I am fat and I love to eat. I dont want to listen to you whine one day that you are on a diet just to watch you eat a small child and drink a 6 pack the other day. I dont care how many calories cheese fries have and I would rather be fat than ever drink diet ande yes ladies I know I know, you like it better blah blah. This is my favorite weight talk of all time : I wear DH attire because at birth I weighed 8 pounds and now I am sad to say I weigh 100 at the age of 30. SHUT UP
3. Money
Dear Society
If I want to pay a clown to do a dance for me while wearing a tu tu.. I will. Please dont tell me well you shop alot. I do, omg thanks for telling me that. Guess what all people spend their money on stuff. Some spend it on clothes, hookers, carwashes, sex, eletronics, kids stuff,beer and other drugs, need I go on. If I need to vent to you about money, just shut the fuck up and let me. Dont judge me,or I will gladly point out your money issues.
4. Being Loud
Dear Society,
Heres my motto:
I am loud, mouthy, then I cry. Dont tell me I cant be me. Did I offend thee? Sure hope I fucking did. You all do it too, the only difference is you do it behind your closed doors. Dont tell me I am loud, I was born loud and telling me makes me want to stab you with a fork.
5. Wheres your coat?
Dear Society,
My coat is at the store. I dont get cold and I dont wear jackets. I swear I get asked that 100x an hour. At first it wasnt annoying now I am like shut the fuck up. I dont need a coat, I am 37 I can tell if I am cold or not.
Jaded Diva is hungry and bitchy so read my top 5 and feel free to comment but please dont expect me to eleborate on who what when and where..
HAPPY READING BITCHES.......
October 17, 2011
My Rags, your ritches, bitches
My ass like many Americans gets up each day and goes to work. Some of us leave our little ones in care of others to do this. I watched my dad go to work with brain cancer and I know they are more than just him that have to work why ill. So you can relate to my irritation about welfare bitches and hoes.
I understand aid needed at first. I was 18 unmarried and pregnant. I got help and medical for Tyler while pregnant. But guess what you fucking baby making tramps before my 6 weeks was even up I was working and promoted to office manager at Hobby Lobby and got off state aid forever. I didnt stay at home and get knocked up again so everyone elses hard tax dollars was spent for my 24 hour vagina baby making store.
My opinion, you can fuck,you can work. I dont need to get up daily so you can drive SUVS, have fake nails aned designer $100.00 jeans. I dont appreciate buying cheap wal mart stuff while you get 6 grand in food stamps , buy food then sell the other half to get stuff my working ass only dreams of having.
I am not against state aid, I understand it is needed in some circumstances. But no one out there even the ones abusing it are going tell me people dont get hooked on it and work the system. Why would these woman want to go out and get jobs when each month their rent is paid for, their food is bought and their medical bills are non-existent. They can then make their nail and hair appointments. They dont have to leave their kids with others and go work. They dont miss one darn moment of their kids life. They take our money and live quite the diva life to be honest.
Want to know what Jaded Diva would do if she was in charge? Heres my welfare plan in a nutshell....
1. You can get state aid for one unplanned pregnancy only.
2. During that time you and your unborn baby will get all the medical assitance needed. Nothing more, no money monthly, if you are still in high school maybe a few dollars a month but nothing fancy
3. Once the baby is born you will receive aid for the first 12 months, after that time to go job searching. I am ok with the child receiving free health insurance,lets face it we all should be granted free health care.
4. After a year your welfare expires, not questions asked, no complaints taken. Child may still receive health care until he turns of legal age.
5. Your dumb ass gets pregnant again, no way no how is the state helping.
If the government would follow those 5 steps the whole baby population would drop, trust me on that.
JD WORDS OF WISDOM: Ladies who are frequent welfare flyers aka use your vagina as a meal ticket and living off my tax paying dollars please read this statment below and chant it:
"BEFORE YOU LET HIM TAP IT, PLEASE MAKE HIM WRAP IT"
I understand aid needed at first. I was 18 unmarried and pregnant. I got help and medical for Tyler while pregnant. But guess what you fucking baby making tramps before my 6 weeks was even up I was working and promoted to office manager at Hobby Lobby and got off state aid forever. I didnt stay at home and get knocked up again so everyone elses hard tax dollars was spent for my 24 hour vagina baby making store.
My opinion, you can fuck,you can work. I dont need to get up daily so you can drive SUVS, have fake nails aned designer $100.00 jeans. I dont appreciate buying cheap wal mart stuff while you get 6 grand in food stamps , buy food then sell the other half to get stuff my working ass only dreams of having.
I am not against state aid, I understand it is needed in some circumstances. But no one out there even the ones abusing it are going tell me people dont get hooked on it and work the system. Why would these woman want to go out and get jobs when each month their rent is paid for, their food is bought and their medical bills are non-existent. They can then make their nail and hair appointments. They dont have to leave their kids with others and go work. They dont miss one darn moment of their kids life. They take our money and live quite the diva life to be honest.
Want to know what Jaded Diva would do if she was in charge? Heres my welfare plan in a nutshell....
1. You can get state aid for one unplanned pregnancy only.
2. During that time you and your unborn baby will get all the medical assitance needed. Nothing more, no money monthly, if you are still in high school maybe a few dollars a month but nothing fancy
3. Once the baby is born you will receive aid for the first 12 months, after that time to go job searching. I am ok with the child receiving free health insurance,lets face it we all should be granted free health care.
4. After a year your welfare expires, not questions asked, no complaints taken. Child may still receive health care until he turns of legal age.
5. Your dumb ass gets pregnant again, no way no how is the state helping.
If the government would follow those 5 steps the whole baby population would drop, trust me on that.
JD WORDS OF WISDOM: Ladies who are frequent welfare flyers aka use your vagina as a meal ticket and living off my tax paying dollars please read this statment below and chant it:
"BEFORE YOU LET HIM TAP IT, PLEASE MAKE HIM WRAP IT"
October 12, 2011
BREAK FROM SARCASM
Jaded D is on vacation and is having a blast.
She is on a sarcasm hiatus. :)
But dont worry I have seen plenty of stuff to confess about when my vacation is over!
She is on a sarcasm hiatus. :)
But dont worry I have seen plenty of stuff to confess about when my vacation is over!
October 6, 2011
The Opposite Sex
Sunday October 9th is my 7 year wedding annivesary. Or as my bff calls it , the seven year itch. LOL. Chad and I have been together for 14 years now. I truly did marry my lobster but boy oh boy men can be pickels at times.
Tonight I am going dish the dirt on mens top 10 annoying habits.
So grab your girlfriends and get ready to man bash :)
10. Asking for directions. Why is it so hard for men to stop and ask for directions. I mean once the words "Excuse me I think I am lost" are spoken does a little guy come out and punch them in there man jewels or take their balls away? Shit if I am lost help me the goose out I want to get there now not in 4 hours.
9. Hands down their pants? Ok please tell me why men do this? Are they afraid their car has gone on without them? Do all men do it? Do they speak of it amongst themselves? Hmm things I ponder LOL.
8. Obession with the remote. I swear you would think the remote would give men a car wash the way they need to hold onto it. Then once they have it they change the channels 900x a minute. Its either sports sports hunting or more sports. Dont get me started on the boring ass shows I am forced to watch.
7. Stories. Now when a woman tells me a story it has a beginning a middle and a end. Its funny and interesting and totally has a point. When a guy tells a story it has well no point, makes no sense and you just want them to finish it so you can go on with your life. You will alway walk away silenty scratching your head going wtf was that, a story, please more like a horrible after school special.
6. Farting. This is almost a game for guys. They see who can do it the loudest, the smelliest. They lift their legs, fart on their girls and do it without any shame. I mean hello guys poo stinks, nothing hot and sexy about it when you do it.
5. Video Games. Men of all ages are obsessed with video games. They make play dates to play together they sit outside game stores when a new one is released.
4. Hunting. I dont get this one and I am married to a hunter. Hunting is the other woman in our lives. I mean you have to get up at like 4am you then have to walk 100 miles just to sit in a treestand for 8 hours where you just might see one animal the whole time. Sometimes its snowing and raining. No thanks not my idea of fun.
3. Guys like dumb stuff to you ever notice, they like big dumb trucks with tires so high you need a cannon to shoot your ass into the seat. They like to drive like ass sharks in snowy weather and get a kick out of the truck when it spins around. They love to hang out with their boys and coming home at 3am is really not a big deal to them.
2. Boobs. Man you think once you seen a pair of boobs you seen them all. They all basically look the same, some are tiny some are normal and some are huge. At times when a man sees a rack they like all their common sense and manners go out the door. There eyes remind me of those old school cartoon characters, that zoom in and out in like aww. Men are so visual and love boobs butts and garages.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE... THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME ABOUT A MAN IS..
1. Guys are such drama queens when sick. Can I get a Amen please? Us woman have periods babies and much more but a man gets a sniffle and shit call 911 because he has the plague. No one has ever been sick when a man is sick. Its like the whole world has come to an end. Give him a nip and some nyquil and please hope he takes his ass to bed.
JD words of wisdom. Men are some hard to figure out creatures but they are sexy as hell and this diva is glad for them annoying asses and all.
Tonight I am going dish the dirt on mens top 10 annoying habits.
So grab your girlfriends and get ready to man bash :)
10. Asking for directions. Why is it so hard for men to stop and ask for directions. I mean once the words "Excuse me I think I am lost" are spoken does a little guy come out and punch them in there man jewels or take their balls away? Shit if I am lost help me the goose out I want to get there now not in 4 hours.
9. Hands down their pants? Ok please tell me why men do this? Are they afraid their car has gone on without them? Do all men do it? Do they speak of it amongst themselves? Hmm things I ponder LOL.
8. Obession with the remote. I swear you would think the remote would give men a car wash the way they need to hold onto it. Then once they have it they change the channels 900x a minute. Its either sports sports hunting or more sports. Dont get me started on the boring ass shows I am forced to watch.
7. Stories. Now when a woman tells me a story it has a beginning a middle and a end. Its funny and interesting and totally has a point. When a guy tells a story it has well no point, makes no sense and you just want them to finish it so you can go on with your life. You will alway walk away silenty scratching your head going wtf was that, a story, please more like a horrible after school special.
6. Farting. This is almost a game for guys. They see who can do it the loudest, the smelliest. They lift their legs, fart on their girls and do it without any shame. I mean hello guys poo stinks, nothing hot and sexy about it when you do it.
5. Video Games. Men of all ages are obsessed with video games. They make play dates to play together they sit outside game stores when a new one is released.
4. Hunting. I dont get this one and I am married to a hunter. Hunting is the other woman in our lives. I mean you have to get up at like 4am you then have to walk 100 miles just to sit in a treestand for 8 hours where you just might see one animal the whole time. Sometimes its snowing and raining. No thanks not my idea of fun.
3. Guys like dumb stuff to you ever notice, they like big dumb trucks with tires so high you need a cannon to shoot your ass into the seat. They like to drive like ass sharks in snowy weather and get a kick out of the truck when it spins around. They love to hang out with their boys and coming home at 3am is really not a big deal to them.
2. Boobs. Man you think once you seen a pair of boobs you seen them all. They all basically look the same, some are tiny some are normal and some are huge. At times when a man sees a rack they like all their common sense and manners go out the door. There eyes remind me of those old school cartoon characters, that zoom in and out in like aww. Men are so visual and love boobs butts and garages.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE... THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME ABOUT A MAN IS..
1. Guys are such drama queens when sick. Can I get a Amen please? Us woman have periods babies and much more but a man gets a sniffle and shit call 911 because he has the plague. No one has ever been sick when a man is sick. Its like the whole world has come to an end. Give him a nip and some nyquil and please hope he takes his ass to bed.
JD words of wisdom. Men are some hard to figure out creatures but they are sexy as hell and this diva is glad for them annoying asses and all.
October 5, 2011
Memory Lane.. Then and Now
I was watching TV earlier when I seen the preview for the new Footloose Movie coming up. Took me back to my childhood or my younger years. Got me thinking about how much this world has changed since I was young.
With 2012 coming soon and of course the possibilty of no more world coming too :) I thought tonight I would take a stroll down memory lane. Compare the then to the now of a few things.
So crack open a cold one or take some aleve this one just might be depressing...
Schools- Man when I was in school it sure was different, all we worried about was fitting in. I walked yep my lazy slow chubby ass walked to school. Dude and dudeetts it was far too. LOL. There was no worry that some sicko or delusional woman would come and snatch me up. There was no need for the Amber Alert and you could walk home alone. No one brought guns or knives and no one killed anyone. Teachers didnt fall in love with students and run to Mexico to be together. Schools today are scary and I can only imagine wha the future holds.
Family- When I was young family meant something. Your siblings were your true BFF. Moms and dads stayed married. Dinners were not drive thrus or mircowaved they were five course meals served at 6pm while the whole family sat down and talked about their days. Vacations were awesome. Instead of text, phones internet and ipods there were games and late night talks and funny made up stories. If you fought with your brother or sister it was solved by dinner time. No 7 years going by without even speaking to someone. I guess its true what they say, you cant pick your family but you sure can pick your friends, who in my case have become my family.
TV- Reality? Man back in the day reality TV would have bombed the first night. Today it is all we as a society can watch. Me included. We love drama, we love 15-16 year olds becoming parents. Shoot I faithfully DVR some. We love people just being mean to others. There are no more Saved by the Bells, Punky Brewster, Roseannee, and nowawdays shows like the Waltons, are you kidding me. Teenagers today watch that shark. Fudge no. They need boobs and butts and short skirts and tiny tops. TV is sex sex sex drama sex sex some more drama a 2.5 minute maybe wholesome lesson then back to sex sex. No wonder kids today are so confused. I am 37 and still blush at times as to what is on TV. LOL
Religion- I wont talk long on this one because I know it lights a fire faster than a piro but religion is like a info-mercial. When I was young there was a few religions but nothing like there is today. Its like its a baskin robins and you can choose one from 31 flavors. Whatever happened to believe or dont beleive? We have ok beleive this but not this, this happend or wait this happened instead. People cant talk about believing in god jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged.People cant talk about not believing in god or jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged. See a pattern here, you get judged either way...
Customer Service- This lacks as the years go one. Companies simply dont care. Its like they are BK but reversed, its our way or no way. Money talks and if you dont have it the whole world becomes silent. Buisness are rude, their employees are rude and no one is loyal any more. Its all about the dollar bill yo. Sad really.
Germs- I truly beleive that as the years go by the world gets dirtier and some people get nastier. Its like everywhere you go poop hand sammy is lurking saying HELLO. I have a real quick fix to this issue. K when you go #1 or # 2 come out of the stall or your own luxury bathroom go to the sink and OMG wash your hands. When I am out in public and someone doesnt wash their hands I kindly ask oh did you need some soap or dont forget to wash your hands. We can sing the ABC song together so we know are doing it long enought. This isnt hard peeps you wipe your vagina, or ass, so please wash it up after. Poop is not pretty and no matter if you shit roses it stinks.
As you can all tell my ass is getting fired up and I could blog for hours about the ways that this world is going one day just burst into flames but honestly tonight I am so over 2011 style peeps, that I am going quit while I am ahead...
Tonight my words of wisdom is going be short and sweet. To avoid PHS.. WASH YOUR HANDS.
With 2012 coming soon and of course the possibilty of no more world coming too :) I thought tonight I would take a stroll down memory lane. Compare the then to the now of a few things.
So crack open a cold one or take some aleve this one just might be depressing...
Schools- Man when I was in school it sure was different, all we worried about was fitting in. I walked yep my lazy slow chubby ass walked to school. Dude and dudeetts it was far too. LOL. There was no worry that some sicko or delusional woman would come and snatch me up. There was no need for the Amber Alert and you could walk home alone. No one brought guns or knives and no one killed anyone. Teachers didnt fall in love with students and run to Mexico to be together. Schools today are scary and I can only imagine wha the future holds.
Family- When I was young family meant something. Your siblings were your true BFF. Moms and dads stayed married. Dinners were not drive thrus or mircowaved they were five course meals served at 6pm while the whole family sat down and talked about their days. Vacations were awesome. Instead of text, phones internet and ipods there were games and late night talks and funny made up stories. If you fought with your brother or sister it was solved by dinner time. No 7 years going by without even speaking to someone. I guess its true what they say, you cant pick your family but you sure can pick your friends, who in my case have become my family.
TV- Reality? Man back in the day reality TV would have bombed the first night. Today it is all we as a society can watch. Me included. We love drama, we love 15-16 year olds becoming parents. Shoot I faithfully DVR some. We love people just being mean to others. There are no more Saved by the Bells, Punky Brewster, Roseannee, and nowawdays shows like the Waltons, are you kidding me. Teenagers today watch that shark. Fudge no. They need boobs and butts and short skirts and tiny tops. TV is sex sex sex drama sex sex some more drama a 2.5 minute maybe wholesome lesson then back to sex sex. No wonder kids today are so confused. I am 37 and still blush at times as to what is on TV. LOL
Religion- I wont talk long on this one because I know it lights a fire faster than a piro but religion is like a info-mercial. When I was young there was a few religions but nothing like there is today. Its like its a baskin robins and you can choose one from 31 flavors. Whatever happened to believe or dont beleive? We have ok beleive this but not this, this happend or wait this happened instead. People cant talk about believing in god jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged.People cant talk about not believing in god or jesus or prayer because they get shunned or judged. See a pattern here, you get judged either way...
Customer Service- This lacks as the years go one. Companies simply dont care. Its like they are BK but reversed, its our way or no way. Money talks and if you dont have it the whole world becomes silent. Buisness are rude, their employees are rude and no one is loyal any more. Its all about the dollar bill yo. Sad really.
Germs- I truly beleive that as the years go by the world gets dirtier and some people get nastier. Its like everywhere you go poop hand sammy is lurking saying HELLO. I have a real quick fix to this issue. K when you go #1 or # 2 come out of the stall or your own luxury bathroom go to the sink and OMG wash your hands. When I am out in public and someone doesnt wash their hands I kindly ask oh did you need some soap or dont forget to wash your hands. We can sing the ABC song together so we know are doing it long enought. This isnt hard peeps you wipe your vagina, or ass, so please wash it up after. Poop is not pretty and no matter if you shit roses it stinks.
As you can all tell my ass is getting fired up and I could blog for hours about the ways that this world is going one day just burst into flames but honestly tonight I am so over 2011 style peeps, that I am going quit while I am ahead...
Tonight my words of wisdom is going be short and sweet. To avoid PHS.. WASH YOUR HANDS.
October 4, 2011
Is there a rewind button?
I am really just a big old chubby sarcastic mess. I talk out my bubble bum and I am not perfect at all. I have plenty of awkward moments and at times I want to crawl under the rock that I came from. Kitty at work always says to me and has since day one. That mouth one day is going to get you into trouble. Well that folks it has and I know it will many more times.
My topic tonight is embarassing moments. Those one moments where you wish scotty would beam your ass up or you could pause like Zach used to do in Saved By The Bell......
So as I sit here I am thinking of 10 possible most embarassing or awkward moments.
Get that pause button ready LOL
1. The moment where you realize you just hit send on a text or email to the wrong person
2. Having someone come up to you and be like hey whats up and you are silently going OMG I have no flipping idea who this person is but you smile and carry on like you are BFF.
3. Tripping while you are walking. We all have done it and we all get pissed when we do it. Its like we get all mad and try and play it off.
4. Wearing a light shirt with a bra that is neon and not noticing until you are at work.
5. Bend over to pick something up and oopie toot toot LOL
6. Getting up at like 130 am tired as fudge and sitting down on the toilet just to find out that your hubby didnt put the seat back down or in my case back in the day my brother at my parents house.
7. Walking around with you skirt tucked into your undies
8. Walking around with toilet paper in places it shouldnt be.
9. Totally flirting it up with a hot boy or girl to find out you had a boogie in your nose, or some foodage in your teeth.
10. This one only close friends and co workers will get. The moment where your old boss comes out of the bathroom like the end is coming screaming someones purple panties are on the bathroom floor and they are totally yours.
JD words of wisdom. I am sarcastic and talk out my chubby bum but I am harmless and I have done and experienced almost all those embarassing moments above and there are more I am sure to come my way.
My topic tonight is embarassing moments. Those one moments where you wish scotty would beam your ass up or you could pause like Zach used to do in Saved By The Bell......
So as I sit here I am thinking of 10 possible most embarassing or awkward moments.
Get that pause button ready LOL
1. The moment where you realize you just hit send on a text or email to the wrong person
2. Having someone come up to you and be like hey whats up and you are silently going OMG I have no flipping idea who this person is but you smile and carry on like you are BFF.
3. Tripping while you are walking. We all have done it and we all get pissed when we do it. Its like we get all mad and try and play it off.
4. Wearing a light shirt with a bra that is neon and not noticing until you are at work.
5. Bend over to pick something up and oopie toot toot LOL
6. Getting up at like 130 am tired as fudge and sitting down on the toilet just to find out that your hubby didnt put the seat back down or in my case back in the day my brother at my parents house.
7. Walking around with you skirt tucked into your undies
8. Walking around with toilet paper in places it shouldnt be.
9. Totally flirting it up with a hot boy or girl to find out you had a boogie in your nose, or some foodage in your teeth.
10. This one only close friends and co workers will get. The moment where your old boss comes out of the bathroom like the end is coming screaming someones purple panties are on the bathroom floor and they are totally yours.
JD words of wisdom. I am sarcastic and talk out my chubby bum but I am harmless and I have done and experienced almost all those embarassing moments above and there are more I am sure to come my way.
October 3, 2011
Why is the sky blue?
Anyone who has little kids, or nieces and nephews or shoot even around kids know they ask a lot of questions. I can remember Tyler asking me why is this why is that and I would be like for the love of beans and rice quit asking me I dont know...LOL
As I get older I find myself having random questions that I want to ask. Now mine arent sweet or funny or even cute. Mine are well you guessed it sarcastic. They normally of course involve my favorite topic, people.
So sit back on this why was it Monday already night , put on your snuggie and enjoy some of the questions JD would love to just randomly ask.
1. Why when you are talking to someone and they want to say someone was of a different race (normally they are refering to a black person) do they look left then right, and then lean in to you and whisper and they were black. Black people know they are black, no need to whisper.
2. Why do people have to brag about how much they spent and name drop about it. Like I got these shoes and they were nike and I paid 2.5 million dollars for them. Well Molly these here are flip flops from wal mart and I paid $4.99
3. Why do people have their kids on leashes. They are not pets, if you want a dog go to the pound. If you cant control your kid, leave them home or better yet dont reproduce.
4. Why on TV shows are all the fat men with pretty girls but no big pretty woman are with normal sized guys? Oh wait that is because all the fat girls are bed bound eating some finger licking good KFC , my bad.
5. Why is Bruce Willis so chummy with Demi and Ashton?
6. Why does that Progressive TV commerical lady still have a job?
7. Why when you are getting off an elevator do the dumb assees waiting to get on try and ambush you and get on before you come out?Look here missy I get off then you get on. Wasnt that taught in like the 2nd grade?
8. Why do men have long hair? I was never a fan of Fabio so I say cut that shit. If you want to be a woman go to the goodwill buy a dress and some high heels and go home and do your thing. In private!
9. What exactly is wrong with Jay Lenos chin and when does it go back to the planet it came from?
10. When Britney went mental why didnt she stay there and who in the thin mint cookie made her nasty hooker ass famous to begin with?
11. Why do some people who are going to college demand the world kiss their ass simply because they are going to school. Hey Mr Harvard, can I have fries with that?
12. Why is wal mart the devil yet my BFF?
13. Speaking of wal mart. That store is huge so why each time the one aisle I need there is at least 2-3 desperate housewives stalking me. Look I know I am a diva and adorable but back off and go buy a romance novel please and tell yourself over and over again, my hubby prefers me this way.
14. Why do people eat fast food order and get diet pop? Yes America I know, its what you really like to drink.
15. Why do people get dogs who really dont want or take care of pets?
16. Why do people that you dont really know or fancy come around and show you a picture of their kids? I mean really I dont care what Jr looks like and to be honest his pictures scare me.
17. Why do people invite people to their parties only because you will get them a kick ass gift?
18. What did ever happen to Waldo?
19. Why do some people silently ignore my FB friend request? Once they dont accept you its all you think about for that day.
20. Seriously, why is the sky blue? :)
JD words of wisdom: Lets face it we all young and old have our very own questions. Some are just better off not asked. LOL
As I get older I find myself having random questions that I want to ask. Now mine arent sweet or funny or even cute. Mine are well you guessed it sarcastic. They normally of course involve my favorite topic, people.
So sit back on this why was it Monday already night , put on your snuggie and enjoy some of the questions JD would love to just randomly ask.
1. Why when you are talking to someone and they want to say someone was of a different race (normally they are refering to a black person) do they look left then right, and then lean in to you and whisper and they were black. Black people know they are black, no need to whisper.
2. Why do people have to brag about how much they spent and name drop about it. Like I got these shoes and they were nike and I paid 2.5 million dollars for them. Well Molly these here are flip flops from wal mart and I paid $4.99
3. Why do people have their kids on leashes. They are not pets, if you want a dog go to the pound. If you cant control your kid, leave them home or better yet dont reproduce.
4. Why on TV shows are all the fat men with pretty girls but no big pretty woman are with normal sized guys? Oh wait that is because all the fat girls are bed bound eating some finger licking good KFC , my bad.
5. Why is Bruce Willis so chummy with Demi and Ashton?
6. Why does that Progressive TV commerical lady still have a job?
7. Why when you are getting off an elevator do the dumb assees waiting to get on try and ambush you and get on before you come out?Look here missy I get off then you get on. Wasnt that taught in like the 2nd grade?
8. Why do men have long hair? I was never a fan of Fabio so I say cut that shit. If you want to be a woman go to the goodwill buy a dress and some high heels and go home and do your thing. In private!
9. What exactly is wrong with Jay Lenos chin and when does it go back to the planet it came from?
10. When Britney went mental why didnt she stay there and who in the thin mint cookie made her nasty hooker ass famous to begin with?
11. Why do some people who are going to college demand the world kiss their ass simply because they are going to school. Hey Mr Harvard, can I have fries with that?
12. Why is wal mart the devil yet my BFF?
13. Speaking of wal mart. That store is huge so why each time the one aisle I need there is at least 2-3 desperate housewives stalking me. Look I know I am a diva and adorable but back off and go buy a romance novel please and tell yourself over and over again, my hubby prefers me this way.
14. Why do people eat fast food order and get diet pop? Yes America I know, its what you really like to drink.
15. Why do people get dogs who really dont want or take care of pets?
16. Why do people that you dont really know or fancy come around and show you a picture of their kids? I mean really I dont care what Jr looks like and to be honest his pictures scare me.
17. Why do people invite people to their parties only because you will get them a kick ass gift?
18. What did ever happen to Waldo?
19. Why do some people silently ignore my FB friend request? Once they dont accept you its all you think about for that day.
20. Seriously, why is the sky blue? :)
JD words of wisdom: Lets face it we all young and old have our very own questions. Some are just better off not asked. LOL
October 2, 2011
A Few of my NON favorite things
I love to peeps watch. I check out a peeps attire from head to toe, then hair then make up. Let me say in this day and age of desperate housewives man at times my eyes get pissed off and and auto tell my brain, dont look dont look, go into sleep mode. Tonight I had one of those episodes which got me to thinking. Hmm what are some OMG my eyes, my eyes moments...
So on this Sunday Night kick back in your pjs, turn on some Sunday Night Football and enjoy.
1. Shoes, ladies I know you are carrying a coach purse or wearing tiffaney jewerly and think you are the shark but please pay attention to your shoes. Dont wear wedding shoes unless you are acutally going to a wedding. Dont EVER wear high heels with sweatshirts and jeans. If you wear tennis shoes please dont wear a nice outfit, actually please only wear tennis shoes if you plan on walking running hiking or cleaning out your garage. Now they are ok with sweatshirts but really must we go there. Oh I dont give a flying nun if you dumb enough to pay 70-180 on the tennies. Prices dont impress this Diva. All I will tell you is you made a bad decision.
2. Toes. Ok ladies please listen up. Feet are ugly. If you wear open toed shoes of any kind please have your toes pained. Now I dont expect them all to look as adorable as mine but please have some color on them. That is the most disgusting thing to look down upon. Omg I am silenty gagging as I blog.
3. Skinny Jeans or Leggings. This one does it for me. When I first heard about them I thought it was a bad idea. Then I was dumb enough to buy a pair. Listen up fellow chubsters, SKINNY JEANS ARE NOT FOR US. They look so stupid on big girls. Actually I think skinny jeans look dumb on all girls. Sorry not a good look, then lets paid it with bad shoes and unpainted toes. Yep now I just puked in my mouth. All skinny jeans need is those straps at the bottom of the legs like stirup pants. Gross
4. Long Horse Hair. Guys might like long hair but the Crystal Gayle look went out a long time ago. I dont care if you have been growing it since 1912 its fucking gross. My favorite is when they go all I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth. Stop that its gross and no one finds it attractive. Look around peeps the style now is not Mr Ed.
5. Foundation. Ok wow this is another one that cracks me up. Now and not too brag but I have been blessed with decent skin, so I dont need to wear alot of makeup and aboslutely no foundation. But if I did I would know better than to leave the house looking like a unfinished painting. Ladies I know you all have mirrors, check that shit out. Blend it ladies, blend it till it all looks one color. And please dont be lazy and stop at your chin line. That gets me everytime. I just want to go all honest and be like hey look Mary you got alot of something right there, no right there, and just go to town on the blending.
6. Oh the nips. I swear I get all awkward as a cowboy in a goth club on this one. I swear I am like dont look oh wait look oh wait god go back in. Ladies if you tend to be a nippy person watch that shark. I mean as we all know some of us have big nips and when you are talking to me and telling me about young charlie winning his booger eating contest I cant concentrate. All I want to say is are you cold? My god check online most stores have bra sales. Quit buying 100 shoes and buy some good bras. K, thanks.
7. Ugg boots. Once again I am not a name brand snob. So I dont care if you have ugg boots. I think they are seriously one of the ugliest boots ever made. What is even better is when girls wear those, ss and sweat pants and then the pebbles look of a hair do. OMG I am so jealous NOT. I would take some knock off oggies boots anyday over that. Player Please.
8. Fake Nails. Oh how this one I could talk about for hours. I love me some fake nails and since I am a nail biter and rings and pretty jewelry are a no no for me with bitten ones I have them. However mine are short and cute. The long ones or fat sausage ones sorry pals no one fancies. They are gross. Keep um short and simple. No hooker red unless you plan to work a pole later.
9. Tanning. Now I love a nice tan and if I wasnt into nails or burn like a lobster I would go. But ladies when you start looking like a umpa lommpa or you glow in the dark its time to stop. Being pale and pretty is way better than being mistaken for a wrinkled up dark shoe.
10. Holiday themed atttire. LOL, WHERE THE FUCK DO I EVEN BEGIN. Omg woman strut that shit like its the bomb. I have told my friends and hubby if you ever catch me wearing casper the friendly ghost, tom the turkey or frosty the fucking snowman knock me the f out and change me on the spot. Sorry but that is the worst kind of eye burner for me. Like your man is sitting there going my god she has on the snowflake sweater again man I want to fuck the shit out of that right now. Stop the holiday wear pronto please. Omg now I want to vomit.
JD Words of Wisdom this lovely Sunday night: Buy new shoes, paint your toes, burn you skinny jeans, make a hair appointment Monday AM, check your mirrors and blend oh ladies please blend, protect the girls better, stop being a name brand snob, short and simply nails is the way to go, try being your natural color and the most important one, put down the holiday shirt and walk away, nothing to see desperate housewive, nothing to see.
So on this Sunday Night kick back in your pjs, turn on some Sunday Night Football and enjoy.
1. Shoes, ladies I know you are carrying a coach purse or wearing tiffaney jewerly and think you are the shark but please pay attention to your shoes. Dont wear wedding shoes unless you are acutally going to a wedding. Dont EVER wear high heels with sweatshirts and jeans. If you wear tennis shoes please dont wear a nice outfit, actually please only wear tennis shoes if you plan on walking running hiking or cleaning out your garage. Now they are ok with sweatshirts but really must we go there. Oh I dont give a flying nun if you dumb enough to pay 70-180 on the tennies. Prices dont impress this Diva. All I will tell you is you made a bad decision.
2. Toes. Ok ladies please listen up. Feet are ugly. If you wear open toed shoes of any kind please have your toes pained. Now I dont expect them all to look as adorable as mine but please have some color on them. That is the most disgusting thing to look down upon. Omg I am silenty gagging as I blog.
3. Skinny Jeans or Leggings. This one does it for me. When I first heard about them I thought it was a bad idea. Then I was dumb enough to buy a pair. Listen up fellow chubsters, SKINNY JEANS ARE NOT FOR US. They look so stupid on big girls. Actually I think skinny jeans look dumb on all girls. Sorry not a good look, then lets paid it with bad shoes and unpainted toes. Yep now I just puked in my mouth. All skinny jeans need is those straps at the bottom of the legs like stirup pants. Gross
4. Long Horse Hair. Guys might like long hair but the Crystal Gayle look went out a long time ago. I dont care if you have been growing it since 1912 its fucking gross. My favorite is when they go all I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth. Stop that its gross and no one finds it attractive. Look around peeps the style now is not Mr Ed.
5. Foundation. Ok wow this is another one that cracks me up. Now and not too brag but I have been blessed with decent skin, so I dont need to wear alot of makeup and aboslutely no foundation. But if I did I would know better than to leave the house looking like a unfinished painting. Ladies I know you all have mirrors, check that shit out. Blend it ladies, blend it till it all looks one color. And please dont be lazy and stop at your chin line. That gets me everytime. I just want to go all honest and be like hey look Mary you got alot of something right there, no right there, and just go to town on the blending.
6. Oh the nips. I swear I get all awkward as a cowboy in a goth club on this one. I swear I am like dont look oh wait look oh wait god go back in. Ladies if you tend to be a nippy person watch that shark. I mean as we all know some of us have big nips and when you are talking to me and telling me about young charlie winning his booger eating contest I cant concentrate. All I want to say is are you cold? My god check online most stores have bra sales. Quit buying 100 shoes and buy some good bras. K, thanks.
7. Ugg boots. Once again I am not a name brand snob. So I dont care if you have ugg boots. I think they are seriously one of the ugliest boots ever made. What is even better is when girls wear those, ss and sweat pants and then the pebbles look of a hair do. OMG I am so jealous NOT. I would take some knock off oggies boots anyday over that. Player Please.
8. Fake Nails. Oh how this one I could talk about for hours. I love me some fake nails and since I am a nail biter and rings and pretty jewelry are a no no for me with bitten ones I have them. However mine are short and cute. The long ones or fat sausage ones sorry pals no one fancies. They are gross. Keep um short and simple. No hooker red unless you plan to work a pole later.
9. Tanning. Now I love a nice tan and if I wasnt into nails or burn like a lobster I would go. But ladies when you start looking like a umpa lommpa or you glow in the dark its time to stop. Being pale and pretty is way better than being mistaken for a wrinkled up dark shoe.
10. Holiday themed atttire. LOL, WHERE THE FUCK DO I EVEN BEGIN. Omg woman strut that shit like its the bomb. I have told my friends and hubby if you ever catch me wearing casper the friendly ghost, tom the turkey or frosty the fucking snowman knock me the f out and change me on the spot. Sorry but that is the worst kind of eye burner for me. Like your man is sitting there going my god she has on the snowflake sweater again man I want to fuck the shit out of that right now. Stop the holiday wear pronto please. Omg now I want to vomit.
JD Words of Wisdom this lovely Sunday night: Buy new shoes, paint your toes, burn you skinny jeans, make a hair appointment Monday AM, check your mirrors and blend oh ladies please blend, protect the girls better, stop being a name brand snob, short and simply nails is the way to go, try being your natural color and the most important one, put down the holiday shirt and walk away, nothing to see desperate housewive, nothing to see.
September 30, 2011
Dumb and Dumber
I can be pretty nice, too nice actually at times. But to be honest at times I want to blurt out what I am thinking and trust me that wouldnt be good at all. One thing that annoys me is the statements and questions that people off the human race say. I mean were this peeps born in a born and raised my mules and mimes?
So please crack open a cold one, light up cig or strike up a joint sit back and enjoy my top 10 fucking dumb statements and questions ever.
1. Ok so my favorite question has to be when you tell someone that your tummy hurts. Why is their fucking first reaction oh no what did you eat? I want to say why do you ask this. Oh wait its because us fat people eat fried chicken in bed so of course its because of something we ate. Go eat a cracker marinated in evian water you skinny stupid bitches.
2. I have my nose, lip eyebrow and cleavage (or MY BOOB :) oh and my foot pierced. My 2nd favorite question is did that hurt? Nope guys I had a needle jammed stabbed and all other sorts into my skin. It felt actually like a fall day or your first crush. Um yes u knocked kneed bimbo skank hash it sure did hurt. Duh.
3. One statment that gets on my nerves is when someone says Oh dont you look pretty today. Um cuse me desperate housewife, so the other days I look like monkey ass. Um I look pretty everyday, DUH.
4. Another statement is when someone asks if you are ok because you look tired. Wow thanks so what you are really saying is you look bad fucked up riden hard and put up wet. Wow thanks, now go take your hair down and ss off and then we can talk.
5. This question to me is almost non refundable. This has to do with cube world. Please unless the buidling is on fire or you are my boss, dont ever ever ask me where I have been. I will tell you almost always that I was pooing and it was a bad one.
6. This question sends flames to my nose. My husband works for a company that doesnt have set hours. One day it can be 4-9pm or 8-2pm or 7-pm ok get the picture. MY HUSBAND DOESNT HAVE SET HOURS. Now I dont mind the any idea around what time C might get off thats cool. But folks please refrain from asking me what time does Chad work too. Ok say it with me peeps, Chads job does not have set hours. Good job, one more time. Chads job does not have set hours.
7. Ok this gets my feet hurting, please I know you all have phones and for real have had the internet way before me. So call places on your own please. I am not your secretary or and I sure dont have 411 written across my forehead. You can find out what time places open just as easy as my ass can.
8. You all know I am quite a fan of Dr Googles and another fan favorite of mine is wow I sure dont feel that way when I have a kidney stone or I dont have those kinds of side affects. Congratulations you just learned what your dumbass should have learned in kindergarten. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT, WOW what a fucking concept . No two people are the same, boo why didnt I know that. Duh.
9. Weather mania peeps and their OMG its snowing 234 feet is anothere statement that I cannot stand. You live in a part of the country where it rains and snows, alot. Dont freak out, dont tell fibs and if you dont like it MOVE. Dont clog up my FB feed with it, dont close stores because of it. Oh and if you are a man and you whine or cant drive in it. Hand over your balls because baby you are a girl a fucking woman sissy la la.
10. My final statment is woman who start a diet on a random day just to stop 23.5 minutes later. Man weight OCD peeps make me giggle. Fatty fatty 2x4 too bad your face looks like a concrete floor.......
JD advice on this one. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT HAVE SET HOURS.
So please crack open a cold one, light up cig or strike up a joint sit back and enjoy my top 10 fucking dumb statements and questions ever.
1. Ok so my favorite question has to be when you tell someone that your tummy hurts. Why is their fucking first reaction oh no what did you eat? I want to say why do you ask this. Oh wait its because us fat people eat fried chicken in bed so of course its because of something we ate. Go eat a cracker marinated in evian water you skinny stupid bitches.
2. I have my nose, lip eyebrow and cleavage (or MY BOOB :) oh and my foot pierced. My 2nd favorite question is did that hurt? Nope guys I had a needle jammed stabbed and all other sorts into my skin. It felt actually like a fall day or your first crush. Um yes u knocked kneed bimbo skank hash it sure did hurt. Duh.
3. One statment that gets on my nerves is when someone says Oh dont you look pretty today. Um cuse me desperate housewife, so the other days I look like monkey ass. Um I look pretty everyday, DUH.
4. Another statement is when someone asks if you are ok because you look tired. Wow thanks so what you are really saying is you look bad fucked up riden hard and put up wet. Wow thanks, now go take your hair down and ss off and then we can talk.
5. This question to me is almost non refundable. This has to do with cube world. Please unless the buidling is on fire or you are my boss, dont ever ever ask me where I have been. I will tell you almost always that I was pooing and it was a bad one.
6. This question sends flames to my nose. My husband works for a company that doesnt have set hours. One day it can be 4-9pm or 8-2pm or 7-pm ok get the picture. MY HUSBAND DOESNT HAVE SET HOURS. Now I dont mind the any idea around what time C might get off thats cool. But folks please refrain from asking me what time does Chad work too. Ok say it with me peeps, Chads job does not have set hours. Good job, one more time. Chads job does not have set hours.
7. Ok this gets my feet hurting, please I know you all have phones and for real have had the internet way before me. So call places on your own please. I am not your secretary or and I sure dont have 411 written across my forehead. You can find out what time places open just as easy as my ass can.
8. You all know I am quite a fan of Dr Googles and another fan favorite of mine is wow I sure dont feel that way when I have a kidney stone or I dont have those kinds of side affects. Congratulations you just learned what your dumbass should have learned in kindergarten. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT, WOW what a fucking concept . No two people are the same, boo why didnt I know that. Duh.
9. Weather mania peeps and their OMG its snowing 234 feet is anothere statement that I cannot stand. You live in a part of the country where it rains and snows, alot. Dont freak out, dont tell fibs and if you dont like it MOVE. Dont clog up my FB feed with it, dont close stores because of it. Oh and if you are a man and you whine or cant drive in it. Hand over your balls because baby you are a girl a fucking woman sissy la la.
10. My final statment is woman who start a diet on a random day just to stop 23.5 minutes later. Man weight OCD peeps make me giggle. Fatty fatty 2x4 too bad your face looks like a concrete floor.......
JD advice on this one. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT HAVE SET HOURS.
September 28, 2011
Top 25
Somedays I literally cannot stand when people simply breath. Today is one of those days. So tonight my blog is dedicated to the top 25 reasons this world sucks ass.
1. Britney Spears made a come back
2. Applebees is still open and proudly serving
3. Dr Phil has a show and people actually go on it and take his advice
4. Sweatpants are still around and make quite the fashion statement for desperate housewives on weekends
5. Ted Danson is back on TV
6. Todd and Tyler have a radio show
7. Hugh Hefner is still alive
8. Sluts hoes and hookers still exist
9. Some people dont like Obama but have no idea why
10. Cats arent extinct
11. The word Fuck isnt part of all conversations
12. The Iphone changes him to Jim and new to Jew, really Apple, really?
13. Work days arent Thursday and Friday 10AM-2PM
14. I have to hear the Have you called Jenny yet TV ads
15. Some step parents have NO BOUNDARIES
16. Teenageres are assholes
17. You cant pick your family
18. The show Desperate Housewives ends after this season
19. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Love Hewitt are called by 3 names and this Diva has not flying shark tank why
20. Reeese Witherspoon and Ryan P didnt get back together
21. Gary and Amber always seem to get back together
22. The rich keep getting richer and I keep getting notices
23. There isnt a press 3 to I want to speak to a live human fucking breathing talking person you dumb bitch option on automated lines
24. Cox Cable and NFM are still in buisness
And for my grand finale...
25. The world is full of stupid people!
JD Words of Wisdom (Thanks to Dawn S)
'Never Sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it"
Amen mother truckers a the folding chair Amen
1. Britney Spears made a come back
2. Applebees is still open and proudly serving
3. Dr Phil has a show and people actually go on it and take his advice
4. Sweatpants are still around and make quite the fashion statement for desperate housewives on weekends
5. Ted Danson is back on TV
6. Todd and Tyler have a radio show
7. Hugh Hefner is still alive
8. Sluts hoes and hookers still exist
9. Some people dont like Obama but have no idea why
10. Cats arent extinct
11. The word Fuck isnt part of all conversations
12. The Iphone changes him to Jim and new to Jew, really Apple, really?
13. Work days arent Thursday and Friday 10AM-2PM
14. I have to hear the Have you called Jenny yet TV ads
15. Some step parents have NO BOUNDARIES
16. Teenageres are assholes
17. You cant pick your family
18. The show Desperate Housewives ends after this season
19. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Love Hewitt are called by 3 names and this Diva has not flying shark tank why
20. Reeese Witherspoon and Ryan P didnt get back together
21. Gary and Amber always seem to get back together
22. The rich keep getting richer and I keep getting notices
23. There isnt a press 3 to I want to speak to a live human fucking breathing talking person you dumb bitch option on automated lines
24. Cox Cable and NFM are still in buisness
And for my grand finale...
25. The world is full of stupid people!
JD Words of Wisdom (Thanks to Dawn S)
'Never Sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it"
Amen mother truckers a the folding chair Amen
September 27, 2011
Not My Kid
From the time I was 8 till I graduated from High School I was a big ass geek who was picked on daily. Yeah I know huh hard to believe this fine diva was once a big dork. School was a nightmare. I ate lunch alone all my high school years. There was no homecoming, no prom, no stolen kisses at the Friday night football games. It honestly was the worst years of my life. Kids are mean and at my high school they sure were. The guys were worse than the girls. I can remember one in particular. He was a major ass fuck and made my life horrible. His name was wait for it, Forrest. Who the fuck in their right mind names their kid that. Oh and he was popluar but was fat and 4 eyed and hated me with a passion.
Which brings me to my jaded confession tonight, bullies. Back in the day they were bad but in todays age they are downright deadly. And I blame the parents. It starts at home. In this day of divorce mixed families and non existent parents our kids are just not giving the attention love and discipline they need. Moms and dads are too busy finding their new soulmate, making 100 grand a year or simply never needed to be parents to begin with. Oh but parents love to blame TV MOVIES AND MUSIC. Yeah this Diva thinks Marilyn Manson is a huge dumb ass loser freak face but did he make those boys at Columbine snap, NO. Ladies and Gents, us as parents failed and made that happen. I am not a fan of big fat sloppy Michael Moore but Chad watched that documentary he did of that terrible tragedy and one part still stands out to me even years later. It was one of the boys fathers calling and saying, um I think my kid is one of the boys involved in that shooting at the school. Come again you lousy excuse for a parent, you call now and say this, where have you been. These boys didnt just wake up that am and say hey for shits and giggles lets kill my fellow students teachers and then ourselves. No they were picked on teased and ignored by the ones that were to protect them the most, their parents. Now I am not saying what they did was right, that was and still is a horrible tragedy. That day I mourned not only the victims but those two boys. They had no one but themselves and their dark thoughts. If only their parents would have stopped reading their laptops long enough to say hey kiddo what up, hows school. Parents stop being so strict just got done to a teenagers level and teach them , guide them and most importantly, love them. They are still kids and trust me being an outcast and picked on, well one can only take so much before they just simply crack.
As for bullies, I also blame the parents. It starts at home guys, quit having TV, teachers and after school programs raise your kids. Since the day Tyler was born we all taught him about not judging anyone. Not once when Tyler was little did he say, OMG that lady is fat, or what is wrong with that person, or wow that person is weird they arent white. Now kids will be kids and I know they are honest but parents the first time you hear your child utter those words should also be the last. No excuses. The kicker is when the parents talk about it after, they giggle about it they make a joke. So basically you are telling your kids look make fun of someone its super funny. Kids are like sponges and they soak up all they hear and see, and we are the main ones they focus on. So when you and your spouse are making fun of Rosie because shes fat, or Harold because hes black, or John because he like guys and not girls your kids are picking up on that and then go to school and lash out. Bullying is the worst ever now with twiiter, FB, cell phones and kids are killing themselves about it. While the parents of the bullies, go what NOT MY KID........
I feel so bad for kids today. I can only imagine what its like. Parents, please listen to your kids, ask them questions, know their friends, their activites and please dont ignore any warning signs. This goes for bullies and being bullied.
JD words of Wisdom: I am a just one lonely proud diva nerd who knows what its like to be on that end of hate. I still to this day know that feeling. So maybe the next time your 4 yeard old calls a woman fat, or points out a non white person or a handicap person you will handle it better.
And as a shout out to all the kids bullied, or picked on, just wait the best years of your life arent right now my fellow divas and cool dudes but after school years. When you are living your dream life and that asshole that made your life hell is washing your car and serving your ass taco bell at 2am.
Stay strong kids, it does get better. :)
Which brings me to my jaded confession tonight, bullies. Back in the day they were bad but in todays age they are downright deadly. And I blame the parents. It starts at home. In this day of divorce mixed families and non existent parents our kids are just not giving the attention love and discipline they need. Moms and dads are too busy finding their new soulmate, making 100 grand a year or simply never needed to be parents to begin with. Oh but parents love to blame TV MOVIES AND MUSIC. Yeah this Diva thinks Marilyn Manson is a huge dumb ass loser freak face but did he make those boys at Columbine snap, NO. Ladies and Gents, us as parents failed and made that happen. I am not a fan of big fat sloppy Michael Moore but Chad watched that documentary he did of that terrible tragedy and one part still stands out to me even years later. It was one of the boys fathers calling and saying, um I think my kid is one of the boys involved in that shooting at the school. Come again you lousy excuse for a parent, you call now and say this, where have you been. These boys didnt just wake up that am and say hey for shits and giggles lets kill my fellow students teachers and then ourselves. No they were picked on teased and ignored by the ones that were to protect them the most, their parents. Now I am not saying what they did was right, that was and still is a horrible tragedy. That day I mourned not only the victims but those two boys. They had no one but themselves and their dark thoughts. If only their parents would have stopped reading their laptops long enough to say hey kiddo what up, hows school. Parents stop being so strict just got done to a teenagers level and teach them , guide them and most importantly, love them. They are still kids and trust me being an outcast and picked on, well one can only take so much before they just simply crack.
As for bullies, I also blame the parents. It starts at home guys, quit having TV, teachers and after school programs raise your kids. Since the day Tyler was born we all taught him about not judging anyone. Not once when Tyler was little did he say, OMG that lady is fat, or what is wrong with that person, or wow that person is weird they arent white. Now kids will be kids and I know they are honest but parents the first time you hear your child utter those words should also be the last. No excuses. The kicker is when the parents talk about it after, they giggle about it they make a joke. So basically you are telling your kids look make fun of someone its super funny. Kids are like sponges and they soak up all they hear and see, and we are the main ones they focus on. So when you and your spouse are making fun of Rosie because shes fat, or Harold because hes black, or John because he like guys and not girls your kids are picking up on that and then go to school and lash out. Bullying is the worst ever now with twiiter, FB, cell phones and kids are killing themselves about it. While the parents of the bullies, go what NOT MY KID........
I feel so bad for kids today. I can only imagine what its like. Parents, please listen to your kids, ask them questions, know their friends, their activites and please dont ignore any warning signs. This goes for bullies and being bullied.
JD words of Wisdom: I am a just one lonely proud diva nerd who knows what its like to be on that end of hate. I still to this day know that feeling. So maybe the next time your 4 yeard old calls a woman fat, or points out a non white person or a handicap person you will handle it better.
And as a shout out to all the kids bullied, or picked on, just wait the best years of your life arent right now my fellow divas and cool dudes but after school years. When you are living your dream life and that asshole that made your life hell is washing your car and serving your ass taco bell at 2am.
Stay strong kids, it does get better. :)
September 24, 2011
Dirty Girls
In my life there are so many things that raise my blood pressure. Probably the one that raises it the most is men that are disrespectful to their wives or girlfriends. Men at times are so tacky and horny that they make me want to take a machete and chop their cock off. Porn, playboy and strip clubs are so disgusting to me and I dont get why men go or why woman let them go. What really blows my mind is their woman who go their with them. Wow great I want my man rock hard BECAUSE some skanky acne faced hoe is shoving her tits in his face or rubbing her ass on his cock. Ladies please save your well he is going home with me, not her. Ok wow yep that makes it all better.
Now the first person who says this to me will get told off so listen to this part right now. Yes all men and woman look and lust after the oppposite sex or hex the same sex. Its human nature and I know I do. I also know my hubby does. But in front of me or around me or vice versa oh fuck no. That is talk that goes on betweeen guys and other guys or gals and their gal pals. I would also light my man on fire if we were out and about and he said OMG Lisa that girl is fine. Now maybe if you are a desperate housewife and leave the house looking like a cross betweoon Roise O Donnell and Meatloafl maybe its ok with you if your man sports a woody over the town skank. Not this diva, I take too much pride in my appearance chubbyness and all to feel disrespected like that.
Now let me move on to these dirty girls. I love when they say well if their wives took of their men they wouldnt look at us or have to come here. Whats that you ****? I am a wife who is gladly proud to give my man a car wash. I also am I wife who looks nice daily and may I throw in this for shits and giggles, I got boobs that go on for days and their are all mine hoes :) .Shit I even got a video on good car wash giving from my girl Kitty and I must say this girl gives a premium car wash if I dont say so myself. So dirty girl go change your tampon cuz your string is showing out of your nasty crotch and quit ruining marriages. Woman quit working at these places , and show the young girls of the world woman are more than tits and ass.
I have one more thing to ponder. Why are some downrigth ugly inside and out girls so popluar with men? Like good looking decent even? I mean I know men are sex freaks but will they really stick their car in any garage just for a quick lay?
I know only one of my friends will agree with this post and I know she wont even read it. I cant even get her on Facebook. Damn you M LOL
JD Words of Wisdom: Men please stop being dirty pigs. Oink Oink. Stop idolizing Hugh Hefner and ask your WIFE tonight for a car wash. Woman stop going to these places with your men and give more car washes. Dirty girls, go the fuck away and my best piece of advice, if your Aunt Flow has come to visit call in sick you dirty white trash bitches.
Now the first person who says this to me will get told off so listen to this part right now. Yes all men and woman look and lust after the oppposite sex or hex the same sex. Its human nature and I know I do. I also know my hubby does. But in front of me or around me or vice versa oh fuck no. That is talk that goes on betweeen guys and other guys or gals and their gal pals. I would also light my man on fire if we were out and about and he said OMG Lisa that girl is fine. Now maybe if you are a desperate housewife and leave the house looking like a cross betweoon Roise O Donnell and Meatloafl maybe its ok with you if your man sports a woody over the town skank. Not this diva, I take too much pride in my appearance chubbyness and all to feel disrespected like that.
Now let me move on to these dirty girls. I love when they say well if their wives took of their men they wouldnt look at us or have to come here. Whats that you ****? I am a wife who is gladly proud to give my man a car wash. I also am I wife who looks nice daily and may I throw in this for shits and giggles, I got boobs that go on for days and their are all mine hoes :) .Shit I even got a video on good car wash giving from my girl Kitty and I must say this girl gives a premium car wash if I dont say so myself. So dirty girl go change your tampon cuz your string is showing out of your nasty crotch and quit ruining marriages. Woman quit working at these places , and show the young girls of the world woman are more than tits and ass.
I have one more thing to ponder. Why are some downrigth ugly inside and out girls so popluar with men? Like good looking decent even? I mean I know men are sex freaks but will they really stick their car in any garage just for a quick lay?
I know only one of my friends will agree with this post and I know she wont even read it. I cant even get her on Facebook. Damn you M LOL
JD Words of Wisdom: Men please stop being dirty pigs. Oink Oink. Stop idolizing Hugh Hefner and ask your WIFE tonight for a car wash. Woman stop going to these places with your men and give more car washes. Dirty girls, go the fuck away and my best piece of advice, if your Aunt Flow has come to visit call in sick you dirty white trash bitches.
September 22, 2011
Reality Bites
I have a love/hate ship with reality shows. Most I dont watch and some are just downrigth stupid. Like any of the bachelor shows are a NO NO, find true love in 60 days or less. Player please, more like find somebody to fuck. Dont get me wrong I have a few I watch and my biggest guilty pleasure is BAD GIRLS CLUB. My gosh those bitches be wild and bitchy and mean and I love each minute of it.
I also watch almost all the MTV reality shows. Which brings me to my topic tonight. Those damn original teen moms. I swear either my 37 year old ass is too old or those bitches need some fucking good old ass kicking from Jaded D herself. So jaded diva is going break each girl down and let you know what happes when my ninja ass gets real. Oh and my ass is saving the girl that needs her ass whooped the most for last. Stay tuned you might be shocked at who it is.
Catelynn and Tyler: Now for the most part I like these kids. Now their fucking redneck ugly trash parents are another story. How this kids turned out normal and not fucking ugly as hell I am not sure. But they are good kids. A tad annoying and immature at times but hey what teenager isnt. They made a very mature hard life changing decision and I respect them for that. These guys get a A in my book no ass kicking needed.
Farrah: Oh boy where do I start. Member her ass the first season after Sophia was born? Um can we say worst teen mom ever? I used to watch and want to knock her ass out. When her mom did I was jealous. She is a spoiled fucking brat who talks to her parents like they are dirt beneath her. I also think she is vain and has no reason to be. Yeah shes thin and got a boob job but hey there is no procedure yet to fix ugly. Oh and Farrah Sephora called, they want their make up back so lay off the foundation. Man that annoys me girls use a mirror duh. Moving forward, we saw Farrah leave her baby in a strange new apartment hallway and in the sink with water,alone . Now I will admit shes a better mom. But shes still a spoiled brat and still ugly and the way she talks to her parents. Lets just say if I was her mom she would be black and blue daily. Now I will give her some credit. She did lose someone and that is hard and she is also in therapy but come on Farrah grow up. She gets a C- and needs a ass kicking monthly.
Amber: Um neeed I say more. The moment her ass hit the MTV screen I swear the song Crazy Train would play. Man that girl is fucked up side down and backyards. And add sloppy Gary to the mix. Yeah CHOO CHOO all aboard. She since day one has been the laziest mom yet. Her and garys ship is so toxic it should come with a warning label. Also in like the first 2 seasons did Amber do anything but sit or lay in bed. I swear you have a baby you dumb bitch take care of it. Also her and Gary have no buisness being together. I know they want that family for Leah but that girl is going need help later if they stay together. Oh and fat or skinny how does Amber get all the guys. I mean the guys arent cute and I bet are going be in prison soon but damn she has some men. I bet she gives a mean ass carwash. I blame her mom. Her mom seeems so lame and not a good parent. What Amber needs is some tough love from here mom and or Dad. Get her ass in therapy and get her some help. Also back to this HTF does Gary get all these girls. I like me some big men but he makes me itchy and want to grab some hand sanitzer. Eww I am silently puking in my mouth thinking about him. Amber gets a D and needs her ass kicked weekly.
Well well that leads me to my least favorite teen mom....
Maci: Man where do I begin. When I first met Maci oh I liked her. She was with holy hotty Ryan and she was a good mom to Bentley. She was by far the best mom. She seemed to be the one that I thought had it going on. Well lets fast forward to when cowardly lion aka UGLY ASS Kyle came into the picture. My gosh what is wrong with him he is so dorky and ugly. How can you go from kissing fine ass Ryan to him? Once she started getting serious with ugly she changed. She is lazy now and she went from the best mom to an OK mom. She neeeds to either work or go to school. So does ugly. I mean they both just sit around all day playing toy story. She also neeeds to stop bad mouthing Ryan around Bentley and she also needs to realize ugly isnt his dad. The othere day when I heard her say she wanted a baby with ugly I freaked. Um no more babies GET J-O-B-S. I was working 6 weeks after I was a teen mom and I am still working till this day. I am disappointed in Maci. I also secretly wish she would dump ugly. He is wishy washy. One day hes like I cant handle this you guys are smothering me, the next day hes like let me quit my job and move in and lets play toy story all day. LOSERS. Maci gets a big F and is the worst mom on the show now and needs her ass kicked daily.
JD Words of Wisdom: If you currently dont watch reality shows dont start. Becaues if you do you will become a 37 year old bitter ass woman blogging about them on a Thursday night. LOL :)
I also watch almost all the MTV reality shows. Which brings me to my topic tonight. Those damn original teen moms. I swear either my 37 year old ass is too old or those bitches need some fucking good old ass kicking from Jaded D herself. So jaded diva is going break each girl down and let you know what happes when my ninja ass gets real. Oh and my ass is saving the girl that needs her ass whooped the most for last. Stay tuned you might be shocked at who it is.
Catelynn and Tyler: Now for the most part I like these kids. Now their fucking redneck ugly trash parents are another story. How this kids turned out normal and not fucking ugly as hell I am not sure. But they are good kids. A tad annoying and immature at times but hey what teenager isnt. They made a very mature hard life changing decision and I respect them for that. These guys get a A in my book no ass kicking needed.
Farrah: Oh boy where do I start. Member her ass the first season after Sophia was born? Um can we say worst teen mom ever? I used to watch and want to knock her ass out. When her mom did I was jealous. She is a spoiled fucking brat who talks to her parents like they are dirt beneath her. I also think she is vain and has no reason to be. Yeah shes thin and got a boob job but hey there is no procedure yet to fix ugly. Oh and Farrah Sephora called, they want their make up back so lay off the foundation. Man that annoys me girls use a mirror duh. Moving forward, we saw Farrah leave her baby in a strange new apartment hallway and in the sink with water,alone . Now I will admit shes a better mom. But shes still a spoiled brat and still ugly and the way she talks to her parents. Lets just say if I was her mom she would be black and blue daily. Now I will give her some credit. She did lose someone and that is hard and she is also in therapy but come on Farrah grow up. She gets a C- and needs a ass kicking monthly.
Amber: Um neeed I say more. The moment her ass hit the MTV screen I swear the song Crazy Train would play. Man that girl is fucked up side down and backyards. And add sloppy Gary to the mix. Yeah CHOO CHOO all aboard. She since day one has been the laziest mom yet. Her and garys ship is so toxic it should come with a warning label. Also in like the first 2 seasons did Amber do anything but sit or lay in bed. I swear you have a baby you dumb bitch take care of it. Also her and Gary have no buisness being together. I know they want that family for Leah but that girl is going need help later if they stay together. Oh and fat or skinny how does Amber get all the guys. I mean the guys arent cute and I bet are going be in prison soon but damn she has some men. I bet she gives a mean ass carwash. I blame her mom. Her mom seeems so lame and not a good parent. What Amber needs is some tough love from here mom and or Dad. Get her ass in therapy and get her some help. Also back to this HTF does Gary get all these girls. I like me some big men but he makes me itchy and want to grab some hand sanitzer. Eww I am silently puking in my mouth thinking about him. Amber gets a D and needs her ass kicked weekly.
Well well that leads me to my least favorite teen mom....
Maci: Man where do I begin. When I first met Maci oh I liked her. She was with holy hotty Ryan and she was a good mom to Bentley. She was by far the best mom. She seemed to be the one that I thought had it going on. Well lets fast forward to when cowardly lion aka UGLY ASS Kyle came into the picture. My gosh what is wrong with him he is so dorky and ugly. How can you go from kissing fine ass Ryan to him? Once she started getting serious with ugly she changed. She is lazy now and she went from the best mom to an OK mom. She neeeds to either work or go to school. So does ugly. I mean they both just sit around all day playing toy story. She also neeeds to stop bad mouthing Ryan around Bentley and she also needs to realize ugly isnt his dad. The othere day when I heard her say she wanted a baby with ugly I freaked. Um no more babies GET J-O-B-S. I was working 6 weeks after I was a teen mom and I am still working till this day. I am disappointed in Maci. I also secretly wish she would dump ugly. He is wishy washy. One day hes like I cant handle this you guys are smothering me, the next day hes like let me quit my job and move in and lets play toy story all day. LOSERS. Maci gets a big F and is the worst mom on the show now and needs her ass kicked daily.
JD Words of Wisdom: If you currently dont watch reality shows dont start. Becaues if you do you will become a 37 year old bitter ass woman blogging about them on a Thursday night. LOL :)
September 21, 2011
Perfect or Pathetic
I and this is sad to say but I remember the day Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston got married. Why you might ask? Well I was and still am totally in love with him and also that is the day my best friend Melissa got married. I used to tease her about getting married on the same day my man did. LOL. I remember years later reading a article where my Brad said he didnt know whether or not being married and staying with one person your whole life was ideal. WTF Brad? Holy hotness I bet Jen read that and had a moment. I sure would have. Fast forward a few and boom he cheated on her with BIG LIPS and boom that marriage was over and Jen was left heartbroken and Brad was living the high life, adopting kids not hiding the fact that he was still married when he started parking his car inside of BIG LIPS garage. Fast forward till today where I read that Brad now said "I felt pathetic married to Jennifer Aniston". Ok wow. First off SHUT UP I know he came back and said it was taken wrong and blah blah blah. Ok look Brad um bottom line you need to shut your hot hole and stop talking about her and your marriage.
Which brings me to my topic tonight. Was Brad right? Are we as humans able to be with one person faithfully or whole lives? Right now a bunch of yes are saying um yes I love my spouse, we are so happy, he/she is my best friend. I cant imagine my life without us as a couple. Ok fine I agree because at this time I feel all those. But didnt at one time Brad and Jen, Will and Jada, my Aunt and Uncle and the thousands of people who get divorced daily. No and I mean No marriage is without struggles obstacles and fights. If you dont have those then in my mind your marriage isnt real. If you dont disagree sometimes you might as well be married to your brother because peeps that means your marriage lacks passion. But at one point does the fighting turn to divorce? First off I will say bottom line ABUSE of any kind I wont stand. The next time any man would try to put his hands on me it would become the freaking burning bed up in here. We dont need no water let the mother fucker burn mother fucker. So yes if you are being abused I say get out and get out now. But I bet 95% of marriages end because people just stop caring or this is my favorite excuse: People grow apart. That has to be the lamest dumbest excuse I have heard. You dont spend 10-30 years with someone just to wake up one am and go I need to go to the store get milk drop off my annoying kids and oh yes I have grown apart from Mike add calling a lawyer to the mix. No I believe people get bored, they think hmm what have I missed all these years? To make it society ok they say well we just grew apart. Oh fucking hogwash you desperate houswife. Your ass is bored plain and simple. Fight for your marriage make it work.
Ships arent easy. I have been with my lobster for a total of 14 years, married for 7. We love hard and fight just as hard. At times I want to push him down a flight of about 100 stairs and at other times he simply takes my breath away. This is my first marriage and no matter how hard our struggles get I will fight for this marriage daily.
JD words of wisdom: Back to Brads question, well my answer is FUCK YES you can be with one person forever. Just have to work daily, love passionately, believe and first and foremost ass holes keep your cars parked only in the garage that you stood in front of god and your family and said I DO too.
Which brings me to my topic tonight. Was Brad right? Are we as humans able to be with one person faithfully or whole lives? Right now a bunch of yes are saying um yes I love my spouse, we are so happy, he/she is my best friend. I cant imagine my life without us as a couple. Ok fine I agree because at this time I feel all those. But didnt at one time Brad and Jen, Will and Jada, my Aunt and Uncle and the thousands of people who get divorced daily. No and I mean No marriage is without struggles obstacles and fights. If you dont have those then in my mind your marriage isnt real. If you dont disagree sometimes you might as well be married to your brother because peeps that means your marriage lacks passion. But at one point does the fighting turn to divorce? First off I will say bottom line ABUSE of any kind I wont stand. The next time any man would try to put his hands on me it would become the freaking burning bed up in here. We dont need no water let the mother fucker burn mother fucker. So yes if you are being abused I say get out and get out now. But I bet 95% of marriages end because people just stop caring or this is my favorite excuse: People grow apart. That has to be the lamest dumbest excuse I have heard. You dont spend 10-30 years with someone just to wake up one am and go I need to go to the store get milk drop off my annoying kids and oh yes I have grown apart from Mike add calling a lawyer to the mix. No I believe people get bored, they think hmm what have I missed all these years? To make it society ok they say well we just grew apart. Oh fucking hogwash you desperate houswife. Your ass is bored plain and simple. Fight for your marriage make it work.
Ships arent easy. I have been with my lobster for a total of 14 years, married for 7. We love hard and fight just as hard. At times I want to push him down a flight of about 100 stairs and at other times he simply takes my breath away. This is my first marriage and no matter how hard our struggles get I will fight for this marriage daily.
JD words of wisdom: Back to Brads question, well my answer is FUCK YES you can be with one person forever. Just have to work daily, love passionately, believe and first and foremost ass holes keep your cars parked only in the garage that you stood in front of god and your family and said I DO too.
September 20, 2011
Everywhere is not a Chucky Cheese
When I was younger I wanted to have 3 kids close in age and all boys. I thought that all through my teenage years. When I was 18 I found out that I was pregnant. Here I was young and not married and scared shitless. Then boom Tyler James Paul was born and my life changed, forever. Then folks he turned 3 and holy shark tank batman my dreams of having three went out the door along with my figure. Love that kid more than fashion but damn kids are wowza at times. LOL
Which brings me to my next irrtation, people who bring their kids literally everywhere. Look I know you are proud that your kid won the booger eating contest at school and that he drew a picture that I am still wondering WTF is that but guys I dont. Now I have pals who have kids and I adore the snot out of them, I love my kid but I really dont love yours. I dont love yours at my nail appointment, and espeically at my therapy appointments. I also dont fancy the parenting style of ignoring. If your kid is going scream at the top of his lungs that he hates you because you wont give him gum and you sit there and read a book while I am silently screaming inside, NOT COOL. Put your book down and whoop some ass. Better yet leave the child at home with his dad.
OMG which brings me to my other irriatation. Why do woman say well my husband said he wouldnt babysit. Come again, what the fuck did you say? Listen up desperate houswives if your man stuck his car in that garage and made that baby or he is currently parking his car in that garage the word babysitting doesnt apply EVER.
My final irritation is people who think havings kids is a free pass. A pass to get free stuff and money. A pass to leave work early. A pass to live on welfare for years while they pop babies out faster than apple makes new Iphones....
Jaded Divas Words Of Wisdom: At times leave the kid time to chucky cheese and the park. Dads step up and be Fathers and please shut up about how you are entiled to blah blah because that night your lover didnt pull out or wrapped it before he tapped it.
Which brings me to my next irrtation, people who bring their kids literally everywhere. Look I know you are proud that your kid won the booger eating contest at school and that he drew a picture that I am still wondering WTF is that but guys I dont. Now I have pals who have kids and I adore the snot out of them, I love my kid but I really dont love yours. I dont love yours at my nail appointment, and espeically at my therapy appointments. I also dont fancy the parenting style of ignoring. If your kid is going scream at the top of his lungs that he hates you because you wont give him gum and you sit there and read a book while I am silently screaming inside, NOT COOL. Put your book down and whoop some ass. Better yet leave the child at home with his dad.
OMG which brings me to my other irriatation. Why do woman say well my husband said he wouldnt babysit. Come again, what the fuck did you say? Listen up desperate houswives if your man stuck his car in that garage and made that baby or he is currently parking his car in that garage the word babysitting doesnt apply EVER.
My final irritation is people who think havings kids is a free pass. A pass to get free stuff and money. A pass to leave work early. A pass to live on welfare for years while they pop babies out faster than apple makes new Iphones....
Jaded Divas Words Of Wisdom: At times leave the kid time to chucky cheese and the park. Dads step up and be Fathers and please shut up about how you are entiled to blah blah because that night your lover didnt pull out or wrapped it before he tapped it.
September 19, 2011
Weekend Parents
In this day and age there are so many extended families its at some point upsetting to Diva. I first fell in love with someone a long ass time ago and oh boy I sure thought he was the one, UM NOT. But out of that relationship I got the greatest joy of my life. My son Tyler. Who on 9-24 turns 18. WTF. Anywoo things didnt work out for his dad and I and we parted ways. With alot of other stuff that I refuse to post going on I made the tough decision to let Tyler go live with his dad and step-mom. Little did I know that would be the hardest thing I have ever done. See folks us weekend parents get a bad rap, talked about by new woman in the picture and it hurts. I hear constantly he or she is the worst parent ever and blah blah. Well bitches listen up, how do you think it feels being a weekend parent, I mean it hurts and it sucks. The other person in our child lives get to be us, they experience all the joy why we get all the back lash and talking bad about. Children need structure and love through throw growing years. Just think how that child feels living with one parent Monday-Friday with their rules and then their other parent on the weekend. Us weekend parents deal with alot. So honestly that is why sometimes we might not be the way you want us to be. How do you think it feels knowing our child is being raised by someone else.
Parents stop bad mouthing your ex if they are in the picture and want to be with their child. So what they dont fart bath and body spray (thanks HB for that one) they try and trust me its hard . I am thankful my son has a step mom who loves him but for years now she has overstepped her boundaries and that I would never do. A step parent can love but that person can and will never ever take the place of the parent. Think of the child and please dont bad mouth the other parent in front of them. Let that child make his own mind up.
I havent always been the best mom and for that I would walk over glass to correct. But I love my son and he is the most important person in my life. I didnt come from a broken home and at times I wonder what it would have been like if I didnt make that tough decision to let Tyler go with his dad. I sure miss those first few years when we were a family, Tyler was my best friend and I just wish he knew how much I loved him. I wish he knew I made the best decision I could at that time in my life. I wish I could talke back every dumb parent moment and I wish oh how I wish sometimes that I wasnt the weekend parent.
Jaded Divas words of wisdom: Enjoy your kids, and love on them while they are young, pretty soon they will be grown and wont need you much.
Parents stop bad mouthing your ex if they are in the picture and want to be with their child. So what they dont fart bath and body spray (thanks HB for that one) they try and trust me its hard . I am thankful my son has a step mom who loves him but for years now she has overstepped her boundaries and that I would never do. A step parent can love but that person can and will never ever take the place of the parent. Think of the child and please dont bad mouth the other parent in front of them. Let that child make his own mind up.
I havent always been the best mom and for that I would walk over glass to correct. But I love my son and he is the most important person in my life. I didnt come from a broken home and at times I wonder what it would have been like if I didnt make that tough decision to let Tyler go with his dad. I sure miss those first few years when we were a family, Tyler was my best friend and I just wish he knew how much I loved him. I wish he knew I made the best decision I could at that time in my life. I wish I could talke back every dumb parent moment and I wish oh how I wish sometimes that I wasnt the weekend parent.
Jaded Divas words of wisdom: Enjoy your kids, and love on them while they are young, pretty soon they will be grown and wont need you much.
The Wheels on The Bus Go Round and Round.... Too bad more closed minded people werent under them
Well folks my ass finally has internet so let me just warn you. This is not going to be your Martha Stewart type blog. I will not talk about coffee, kittens or cooking. I will curse bad vent often and my goal is to irriitate the snot out of all the close minded people living amongst us.
Lets start out by saying I really hate fucking people. Sometimes them simply breathing is enough to make me want to go chuck norris on them. I mean really, really people throw people under the fucking bus and for what. Listen up Barbie, I am not your fucking Ken doll and this isnt your malibu home. I know what your Jennifer Love Hewitt ass did last summer and I am not afraid to throw your ass under the bus. I swear as a confident sassy yet chubby girl I am surrounded by fucking haters daily. Oh and lets not forget I have piercings and several tatoos, oh and I support Obama. Oh no what was that, it was the sound of haters hitting the floor. Everday I am surrounded by people so unhappy in their own lives that they have to judge mine. Oh and lets not be fat around these peeps or sick. Because if you are its because you are fat. Which brings me to one of my favorite people. Dr googles of the world. Well I googled it they will say and thats not normal. Wow really you spent 1.5 seconds in doctor school and you figured out my problem. Oh you are so awesome, NOT GO FUCK OFF and count some calories or better yet go become bulmic and purge yourself. Yes folks being fat isnt ideal but its my life and I really dont care what you think. My good pal tells me all the time I am weight obsessed and I simply tell her no society is. You will hear me rant alot about weight in my blogs. I deal with it daily. My favorite one is well you have a pretty face, or if I ask well is she pretty I get well she is thin. Oh wow OK because I seen a lady this weekend at Red Lobster and she was about 110 and she was far from pretty. With the wait that we had I almost asked my husband to drive me to the store to buy her a razor. I looked outside and was like is there a full moon because we have a she wolf amongst us. Oh and the best part she was sporting a ss (sweatshirt) and a pony. Oooh so sexy. Which brings me to another annoyance, Desperate Housewives.... Ok this is going get ugly so all you twigs please follow me so we can fight nightly. :). See being judged isnt nice now is it, too bad I am one messed up diva so I will have some double standards in my blogs. :)
Why do woman of all shapes and sizes snag a husband and go sloppy after. I know you guys think your men like that but trust me they dont. You dont have to go all diva like me, because lets face it I am one sexy phat bitch but do your hair dress nice. SS tshirts and ponies are left to the sleeping room only folks. Man I could vent all night long about stupid people and weight, but for now folks I am going spend some time with my man.
Jaded diva words of wisdom for this Monday night: You dont like me FUCK OFF.
Lets start out by saying I really hate fucking people. Sometimes them simply breathing is enough to make me want to go chuck norris on them. I mean really, really people throw people under the fucking bus and for what. Listen up Barbie, I am not your fucking Ken doll and this isnt your malibu home. I know what your Jennifer Love Hewitt ass did last summer and I am not afraid to throw your ass under the bus. I swear as a confident sassy yet chubby girl I am surrounded by fucking haters daily. Oh and lets not forget I have piercings and several tatoos, oh and I support Obama. Oh no what was that, it was the sound of haters hitting the floor. Everday I am surrounded by people so unhappy in their own lives that they have to judge mine. Oh and lets not be fat around these peeps or sick. Because if you are its because you are fat. Which brings me to one of my favorite people. Dr googles of the world. Well I googled it they will say and thats not normal. Wow really you spent 1.5 seconds in doctor school and you figured out my problem. Oh you are so awesome, NOT GO FUCK OFF and count some calories or better yet go become bulmic and purge yourself. Yes folks being fat isnt ideal but its my life and I really dont care what you think. My good pal tells me all the time I am weight obsessed and I simply tell her no society is. You will hear me rant alot about weight in my blogs. I deal with it daily. My favorite one is well you have a pretty face, or if I ask well is she pretty I get well she is thin. Oh wow OK because I seen a lady this weekend at Red Lobster and she was about 110 and she was far from pretty. With the wait that we had I almost asked my husband to drive me to the store to buy her a razor. I looked outside and was like is there a full moon because we have a she wolf amongst us. Oh and the best part she was sporting a ss (sweatshirt) and a pony. Oooh so sexy. Which brings me to another annoyance, Desperate Housewives.... Ok this is going get ugly so all you twigs please follow me so we can fight nightly. :). See being judged isnt nice now is it, too bad I am one messed up diva so I will have some double standards in my blogs. :)
Why do woman of all shapes and sizes snag a husband and go sloppy after. I know you guys think your men like that but trust me they dont. You dont have to go all diva like me, because lets face it I am one sexy phat bitch but do your hair dress nice. SS tshirts and ponies are left to the sleeping room only folks. Man I could vent all night long about stupid people and weight, but for now folks I am going spend some time with my man.
Jaded diva words of wisdom for this Monday night: You dont like me FUCK OFF.
September 10, 2011
meet jaded diva
Who is Jaded Diva?
She's a 37 year old confident cute chubster and a foodey
Happily Married with a 18 year old son Tyler
Loud and Blunt yet sensitive and get upset easily
Fashion is my life and I rock it
From Nebraska and bleed husker red, GO BIG RED
I am not a fan of sweatshirts and pony tales and desperate looking housew
I speak my mind
In a nutshell Jaded Diva is fashionable, loud blunt and sensitive. I will talk about random shit daily and my favorite people to a\piss off our close minded fuck faces.
So welcome to confessions of Jaded Diva and hang on tight I am headed to Hollywood one sarcastic post at a time.
She's a 37 year old confident cute chubster and a foodey
Happily Married with a 18 year old son Tyler
Loud and Blunt yet sensitive and get upset easily
Fashion is my life and I rock it
From Nebraska and bleed husker red, GO BIG RED
I am not a fan of sweatshirts and pony tales and desperate looking housew
I speak my mind
In a nutshell Jaded Diva is fashionable, loud blunt and sensitive. I will talk about random shit daily and my favorite people to a\piss off our close minded fuck faces.
So welcome to confessions of Jaded Diva and hang on tight I am headed to Hollywood one sarcastic post at a time.
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