The Opposite Sex

Sunday October 9th is my 7 year wedding annivesary. Or as my bff calls it , the seven year itch. LOL. Chad and I have been together for 14 years now. I truly did marry my lobster but boy oh boy men can be pickels at times.
Tonight I am going dish the dirt on mens top 10 annoying habits.

So grab your girlfriends and get ready to man bash :)

10. Asking for directions. Why is it so hard for men to stop and ask for directions. I mean once the words "Excuse me I think I am lost" are spoken does a little guy come out and punch them in there man jewels or take their balls away? Shit if I am lost help me the goose out I want to get there now not in 4 hours.

9. Hands down their pants? Ok please tell me why men do this? Are they afraid their car has gone on without them? Do all men do it? Do they speak of it amongst themselves? Hmm things I ponder LOL.

8. Obession with the remote. I swear you would think the remote would give men a car wash the way they need to hold onto it. Then once they have it they change the channels 900x a minute. Its either sports sports hunting or more sports.  Dont get me started on the boring ass shows I am forced to watch.

7. Stories. Now when a woman tells me a story it has a beginning a middle and a end. Its funny and interesting and totally has a point. When a guy tells a story it has well no point, makes no sense and you just want them to finish it so you can go on with your life. You will alway walk away silenty scratching your head going wtf was that, a story, please more like a horrible after school special.

6. Farting. This is almost a game for guys. They see who can do it the loudest, the smelliest. They lift their legs, fart on their girls and do it without any shame.  I mean hello guys poo stinks, nothing hot and sexy about it when you do it.

5. Video Games. Men of all ages are obsessed with video games. They make play dates to play together they sit outside game stores when a new one is released.

4.  Hunting. I dont get this one and I am married to a hunter. Hunting is the other woman in our lives. I mean you have to get up at like 4am you then have to walk 100 miles just to sit in a treestand for 8 hours where you just might see one animal the whole time. Sometimes its snowing and raining. No thanks not my idea of fun.

3. Guys like dumb stuff to you ever notice, they like big dumb trucks with tires so high you need a cannon to shoot your ass into the seat. They like to drive like ass sharks in snowy weather and get a kick out of the truck when it spins around.  They love to hang out with their boys and coming home at 3am is really not a big deal to them.

2.  Boobs. Man you think once you seen a pair of boobs you seen them all. They all basically look the same, some are tiny some are normal and some are huge. At times when a man sees a rack they like all their common sense and manners go out the door. There eyes remind me of those old school cartoon characters, that zoom in and out in like aww. Men are so visual and love boobs butts and garages.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE... THE MOST ANNOYING THING TO ME ABOUT A MAN IS..

1. Guys are such drama queens when sick. Can I get a Amen please? Us woman have periods babies and much more but a man gets a sniffle and shit call 911 because he has the plague. No one has ever been sick when a man is sick. Its like the whole world has come to an end. Give him a nip and some nyquil and please hope he takes his ass to bed.

JD words of wisdom. Men are some hard to figure out creatures but they are sexy as hell and this diva is glad for them annoying asses and all.