I can be pretty nice, too nice actually at times. But to be honest at times I want to blurt out what I am thinking and trust me that wouldnt be good at all. One thing that annoys me is the statements and questions that people off the human race say. I mean were this peeps born in a born and raised my mules and mimes?
So please crack open a cold one, light up cig or strike up a joint sit back and enjoy my top 10 fucking dumb statements and questions ever.
1. Ok so my favorite question has to be when you tell someone that your tummy hurts. Why is their fucking first reaction oh no what did you eat? I want to say why do you ask this. Oh wait its because us fat people eat fried chicken in bed so of course its because of something we ate. Go eat a cracker marinated in evian water you skinny stupid bitches.
2. I have my nose, lip eyebrow and cleavage (or MY BOOB :) oh and my foot pierced. My 2nd favorite question is did that hurt? Nope guys I had a needle jammed stabbed and all other sorts into my skin. It felt actually like a fall day or your first crush. Um yes u knocked kneed bimbo skank hash it sure did hurt. Duh.
3. One statment that gets on my nerves is when someone says Oh dont you look pretty today. Um cuse me desperate housewife, so the other days I look like monkey ass. Um I look pretty everyday, DUH.
4. Another statement is when someone asks if you are ok because you look tired. Wow thanks so what you are really saying is you look bad fucked up riden hard and put up wet. Wow thanks, now go take your hair down and ss off and then we can talk.
5. This question to me is almost non refundable. This has to do with cube world. Please unless the buidling is on fire or you are my boss, dont ever ever ask me where I have been. I will tell you almost always that I was pooing and it was a bad one.
6. This question sends flames to my nose. My husband works for a company that doesnt have set hours. One day it can be 4-9pm or 8-2pm or 7-pm ok get the picture. MY HUSBAND DOESNT HAVE SET HOURS. Now I dont mind the any idea around what time C might get off thats cool. But folks please refrain from asking me what time does Chad work too. Ok say it with me peeps, Chads job does not have set hours. Good job, one more time. Chads job does not have set hours.
7. Ok this gets my feet hurting, please I know you all have phones and for real have had the internet way before me. So call places on your own please. I am not your secretary or and I sure dont have 411 written across my forehead. You can find out what time places open just as easy as my ass can.
8. You all know I am quite a fan of Dr Googles and another fan favorite of mine is wow I sure dont feel that way when I have a kidney stone or I dont have those kinds of side affects. Congratulations you just learned what your dumbass should have learned in kindergarten. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT, WOW what a fucking concept . No two people are the same, boo why didnt I know that. Duh.
9. Weather mania peeps and their OMG its snowing 234 feet is anothere statement that I cannot stand. You live in a part of the country where it rains and snows, alot. Dont freak out, dont tell fibs and if you dont like it MOVE. Dont clog up my FB feed with it, dont close stores because of it. Oh and if you are a man and you whine or cant drive in it. Hand over your balls because baby you are a girl a fucking woman sissy la la.
10. My final statment is woman who start a diet on a random day just to stop 23.5 minutes later. Man weight OCD peeps make me giggle. Fatty fatty 2x4 too bad your face looks like a concrete floor.......
JD advice on this one. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT HAVE SET HOURS.
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